Weddings on the brain…
Lately Shumpei and I have been talking about marriage and getting engaged a lot more. We plan to get engaged sometime this year .I think we could just do it now but he wants to wait until we are in Australia (A lot of it has to do with asking my father for permission…and part of it is that he is worried that is is not a good idea for us to get engaged until he can speak English…I am not really worried about this at all but I think what worries him also is that if I go back to Australia I might want to stay while he would want to return to Japan. The thing is, I want to come back to Japan….and he knows this but is still worried a little I guess)
With Nay, talking about her wedding plans and Sara talking about signing the papers this year but waiting for 2010 for the marriage ceremony it has given me a lot to think about. Nay, Sara and I are all of similar ages and in similar situations. We are all in serious relationships or engaged to Japanese men and planning on living in Japan after we are married. Nay will be having her ceremony in Australia (In Brisbane actually, where I am from!) while I think Sarah plans to have it here in Japan. Nay will also have a small Japanese ceremony in Japan at a later date. We keep in contact via email, facebook and our blogs and while none of us have ever met I know that we feel a connection due to our circumstances….We were hoping to meet up before Nay headed back to Australia to finish her studies but we have left the planning a little late….However I hope to meet Sara later in the year and Nay when I go back to Brisbane (Since she will be there until September, when she will get married)
Shumpei and I have tosses up the idea of getting married late next year in September or October (2009). If we were to do the ceremony here in Japan (Which has been the plan)…I know my family would fly over for it but I feel bad that so many others would be left out so there has been talk of maybe having a small party/reception type thing while we are in Australia. Plus, if we did it here it would be in Japanese meaning that my family would struggle with language and language barriers that they would have with all of the other guests.
There is a lot of things to think about. Where to file the papers for instance? In Japan or Australia, or both (Can you do both?) How much money we could afford to spend on ceremonies etc (At the moment is is close to zero)…..Also if the wedding is here in Japan what sort of wedding should it be. Traditional? I don`t think I could wear the traditional wedding kimono…..I could do it, especially if that is what Shumpei wanted but in the past when we have discussed it he has said he doesn`t necessarily want a traditional wedding….but white weddings here in chapels have fake ministers that do the ceremonies…and I am not sure I could handle that either. I think outside would be perfect…..or in a proper church with a proper priest. If it was in Japan that is…..If it was in Australia, despite being raised Catholic would I want to have a wedding in a Catholic church, especially since Shumpei is not Catholic…and has no intention of becoming Catholic.
I have never wanted a big fairytale wedding…..In fact the whole thing scares me a little because I would be so worried that after a lot of planning that the day itself would not live up to the expectations we had. I am all for garden weddings, with only a close couple of family and friends and a small reception at a restaurant. Here most of the time you can not invite so many friends to your wedding because extended family, business associates etc come higher up on the invitation list….
International weddings are a difficult thing to deal with. Most people I know have either had the weddings in their home countries or in both their home countries and Japan….Japanese weddings are absurdly expensive and I really wouldn`t want to spend that much money on one day. Shumpei and I are both young, i have no savings to speak of and Shumpei did have savings but has used a lot of it in the past couple of years by flying to Australia or for when we set up this apartment….I know he still has some but when we go to Australia later in the year he will do an English course and I will work so we will be living on one salary for a little while.
In Japan, like I said wedding are absurdly expensive….Shumpei`s brother`s wedding was so expensive it was unbelievable. And while it was really pretty, and a beautiful day…but I do not want to spend that much wedding on one day.
Are you married? What did you do for your `big day`? Are you in an international marriage…how did you please everyone? It would be interesting to hear what others did…especially those who entered or are entering kokusai kekkon themselves (International marriage)!
There is so much to think about and it is hard to know where to start!
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Well.. you know my situation pretty well I think! I’m like you though on the whole not having crazy wedding fantasies though.. I think I’m just overwhelmed by the planning. Which is why I am perfectly happy to not have to worry about it for another 2 years hehe.. I can gleam ideas from you and Nay and my other friends who get married in that time!
You must be getting excited to go home for a year! I’m a little sad that I pretty much didn’t even know it was my last year living in America when it was. Anyways Ryohei and I are planning to have a small party/ceremony in America this years Christmas with my family/friends there and then our big Japanese ceremony in 2010.. probably my parents and maybe my brothers will come as well as my friends living in Japan.
I think before I can really get excited about planning a wedding, Ryohei and I need to know where we will be ending up.
I’m excited to hear more about you and Shunpei’s plans as they develop!!!
Hey.. its me again.
As an answer to your post on my journal..
It may be more convenient to file in Japan.. Its a fairly simple process and can be done in an hour or less. If you miss having a long engagement period you can do what a couple of my friends have done and sign the paperwork (nyuuseki) but still people you are engaged until you have the actual wedding. I have a friend whose legally been married for almost a year but shes having her weddign this weekend. Also, on facebook etc shes still listed as engaged etc. Actually.. I don’t plan to tell anyone besides my very close family and best friends that I’m techinically married as of the end of February.
Ryohei never really formally proposed..He says kekkon shite!! All the time, like when I make yummy food or do something nice for him. Hes been doing that since probably around last years summer. I guess you could see we formally got engaged.. as in I changed my facebook status (haha) told people around Ocotber. Which was a year after we started going out.. but to be honest we started bringing up the topic of getting married almost a year ago when we had only been together 4 or 5 months.
I get embarrased about the whole propose question.. I know some people like to talk about it alot.. but to me its more of a private thing. So yah.. if you and Shumpei decided to sign your paperwork early, it doesnt mean you have to say you are married.. you can say you are engaged until you have your wedding or feel comfortable saying it.
Hope this helps!!
Having just completed Wedding #1 to my Spanish husband in Barcelona, Wedding #2 taking place in the States in March…and both planned from afar, since we both live in Berlin…I understand your dilemmas…
While planning, we got really uptight, and then finally realized that the importance was that we wanted to include the important people in our lives as much as possible. Hence, two weddings, one civil, and the second Catholic. That way, both of our mothers were happy (his, because she got the first wedding, and mine, because she got the Catholic one)…
It is not the easiest, with two cultures, different languages, and watching your parents basically gesture at each other, but it is also great fun! Just remember the reasoning behind the whole thing, and have fun! And make sure you include traditions from each country…I never imagined sporting a Barcelona football shirt with my name emblazoned across the back at my wedding, but it was one of the best moments of the day!
Aren’t international relationships fun? I didn’t want a formal traditional Japanese wedding, and the fake chapel weddings are pretty awful. I knew I couldn’t handle one of those. Anyway, we ended up having a Japanese style engagement party with H’s family in Kansai which my family came over for, then filed the papers in Tokyo (which we consider our official anniversary so I was interested to read Sara’s comments), had a reception type party in Tokyo with friends and co-workers there, then last a ceremony in Canada (which we call our ’second anniversary’. We celebrate both each year) that H’s family flew over for. Since we were already officially married the ceremony in Canada was a ‘reaffirmation of vows’ ceremony but it looked and sounded like a normal ceremony, just what we signed was slightly different. Each event was fairly small which was nice and none of them were overly formal. Breaking it up into the various locations actually worked out ok.
Where do I start?
I did both.
Mums can be tricky.
I collected a patchwork of ideas and sewed them together.
I used my Blog contacts and network to do everything – Pinn made my dress, Martine did the photos, a friend recommended the restaurant, we designed and made the invites as did my mum for England.
Be positive and optimistic!
Start with little details then build from there.
If you hear yourself going ‘I don’t want this and I don’t want that’ STOP!
It can be a lot of fun and is unavoidably stressful.
It doesn’t have to cost a fortune.
Use your network.
Consider it a project.
Consider it a big art project.
An extension of your Blog.
I have never been happier than with my wee J-boy in our international marriage.
Nothing is certain ever.
Here are a few pics and posts and when we meet up, I can talk a lot about it because my Japanese wedding was incredible. Beyond belief. You couldn’t script it!
And Aus – well what a place to get wed! What a lot of opportunity and the Catholic thing?
We had an unofficial blessing as a nod to my catholic upbringing and to the catholic community that raised and nurtured me. That was in England.
First and foremost, don’t worry about things until you absolutely have to and don’t expect perfect, you create perfect. Disasters are just stories to tell in the future.
There will be stress just prior, but once the wheels are in motion, on the day and the week before, best just to strap in, enjoy the ride and let it all happen and be fabulous. Because it is the most wonderful thing.
Meeting the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and making that public committment to them.
It is wonderful really wonderful.
I am so madly in love!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sigsyintokyo/sets/72057594091630378/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sigsyintokyo/sets/72157594266589223/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/pinkurocks/57944924/
Pinku’s wedding was amazing – just she, her husband and her friend in Thailand on the beach.
But I can’t find any pictures.
There are so so many options. Enjoy it all!
A friend of mine has been living in Japan for a number of years and when he got married to a Japanese girl, they had 2 weddings: a small traditional ceremony in Japan, and the big white wedding with his family, and a lot of people helped with the catering, photography etc.
All the best to you both, whatever you do, enjoy it
.