In an effort to improve on my writing I have decided to sign up for Encyclopedia of me which started over at Bella Dia (and which I found out about by reading Laura`s blog here...)
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M is for mother…
I don`t write a whole lot about my family on my blog although in the past I have written posts about my dad and also my grandmother in New Zealand but as I looked though my archives recently I realized I have never really written much about my mum.
A lot of the blogs I read are by women, in particular mothers or those already planning their first children. In fact Sarah has written about this recently which started a discussion between Nay, Sarah and I on our blogs and also on facebook because we will probably be having children around similar times, and in Japan to boot! Actually I think they will both have babies by the time I get around to even getting pregnant. So the discussion of what it is to be a mother has come up a lot….some people have talked about how they are not sure if they would make good mothers or not due to their own experiences with their own mothers.
I am extremely lucky, and I don`t say it enough, that I have a terrific mother. While we have had our ups and downs over the years (as most mothers and daughters do) we are at the point in our lives now where we truly are great friends…I am old enough now to respect her in the way I should for all she has done for me! Her and my father raised us well and a lot of what she instilled in me as a kid I know that I am going to want to instill in my own children. Some very important lessons she taught me is that I could do whatever I wanted to do (My parents have always been very supportive of my decisions and what I have wanted to do with my life) and that I should always treat people the way I want to be treated.
My mother and I are very similar (which is why we often clashed when I was in my teens) and I can see myself in a lot of her (and I am sure she can see a lot of me in her). Looking at photos of my mother as a child is often like looking into a mirror….My favourite photo of my mother is of her in a yellow bikini with her hair in pigtails and she is about 18 or 19 and she had just moved to Australia from New Zealand (All by herself I might add). I like it because she looks so happy and because it looks so much like me but with long hair! Our personalities are also very similar also….we are both highly emotional! And we both tend to think we are always right! We are also very organized….I definitely get my organizational skills from my mother!
I love my mum and I miss not been around her all the time (Although I think we both know that we could never live together again for long periods of time….). We speak on the phone twice a week or so, she reads my blog and we email occassionly. The year I was on exchange in Japan we emailed almost everyday and she printed out every email I wrote and gave them to me when I got back to Australia…..It is kind of like a journal of what I did that year!
The job I am currently in, teaching, sometimes makes me think I would make a terrible mother. I get stressed out and lose my patience when patience is something a teacher really really needs. It is one of the reasons I am leaving early to go home in May instead of the original plan of July. I need a break from teaching, I need to figure out what I want to do and I need to spend some time with my own family. I think teaching at my current school for 18 months has helped me realize the things I need to work on before I become a mother also….patience been one of them! But it also has taught me a lot…it has taught me to try to help kids reach their full ability without crowding them too much and also that some kids are naughty and that giving them time-out or getting angry is not always going to be the way to handle it…. In fact sometimes they act out because all the need is a hug! Sometimes I still think I won`t make a very good mother and I had this discussion with my school owner about a month ago and she told me she thought I would make a great mother. I am not so sure, but I hope so! I think at this stage in my life I am still too selfish to be a good mum…
I want to be a mother one day. Shumpei would be happy to have kids as soon as we are married (actually I think he would be quite happy if I was to get pregnant now) but I have told him that we need to be more realistic. We need to come back to Japan, set ourselves back up here with jobs and start saving before we can have a baby. Having a baby here costs anywhere between $4000-$10,000 dollars and while you get something similar to the Australian baby bonus it usually isn`t enough to even cover half of the medical costs (Pregnancy is not covered under National Health Insurance from what I can understand…which sucks since that is what I have) and that is just to have the baby! After the baby comes or even before there are a lot of other things that you need to think about that are going to cost money! I have promised that as long as we are in a fairly secure place financially then we can start trying for a baby before he turns 30 (May 2011).
I want to be a mother. I see so many people around with their children and I read so many blogs of those who have babies and children and I am a little clucky I suppose. There is so much I want to teach my child (children) and so much I want to do with them. I have always wanted a boy and a girl, like my family, but I know I will be happy either way. Shumpei and I are thinking about having two kids….
I think I am extremely lucky to have had my mother as a role model! Sure I am sure she made mistakes, but I turned out ok and if I can give as much love to my child as my mother has given to me and continues to give to me then I think my children are going to be pretty damn lucky!
Thanks mama, for everything! I love you lots!
xoxo
Popularity: 45% [?]
I am just a twenty something Aussie girl living in Chiba, Japan with my Japanese husband trying to make sense of the crazy Japanese world we live in! We welcomed our first son in December 2009 (Noah) and a second son in January 2011, 2 months premature (Shion). I am working hard at raising them to be confident, bilingual, happy kids!
I had very similar feelings of inadequacy before I had my daughter. As she has started to grow up a little I realize that there is no way that anyone can truly be prepared for becoming a parent. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes–and any parent worth their salt will tell you they make mistakes as parents. I think one thing that you definitely have going for you is that you realize your shortcomings. Acknowledging those shortcomings is the first step to improving on them! Also, having a wonderful mom as an example is also very helpful. No matter what, when you decide you are ready for children, I bet you will be wonderful!
ah, your blog always makes me smile.
you’re lucky. and i’m certain you’ll make a great mum
I think the fact that you are thinking so much about this and identifying the qualities of a good parent in itself will make you a great parent. You’re putting a lot more thought into it than most people do before they decide to get pregnant (if they even decide). I think everyone (parents and non-parents) would love to be more patient but most of us have at least some moments/periods of impatience. Try not to tie yourself up in knots over what makes a “perfect parent” (there’s no such thing) or wondering whether you’re ready. Sometimes I think you just have to let things happen. It sounds like you have a fantastic mother and a great relationship with her, which will be wonderful for your parenting skills (and your kids will have a fantastic Grandma!). I think you’re going to make a great Mum!!
Aww I think you will make a great mother!!!
Everyone has their doubts I think, a lot of times I wonder myself! (as I expressed in my blog a few days ago…) but overall it seems to work out!!
I think everyone has their own mothering style and as one of our friends blogs says, when a child is born a mother is also born. Maybe thats why we are pregnant so long.. to adjust to the change of motherhood. Of course not having kids myself, I’m not too sure..
Anyways I’m glad you have a good relationship with your mom! That will def. help! You look alike too
I wish my mom was more Mom like.. but she seems to be stuck in her early twenties and is not reliable for advice at all.
Its pretty sad but thats who she is and theres nothing I can do about it.
I haven’t met you yet, hopefully that will change next month! But from what I’ve heard and seen from here so far I think you will be a fantastic mom!!! By the way I want 3 total! Four would be a little too much for me.. I think the only way that would happen would be if my last pregnancy was multiples… my brothers are twins though so I may have a slight genetic chance of that happening espicially if I don’t have my last until into my 30s…
*gulp*
ps… is this baby fever/thoughts a spring thing??? all three of us seem to totally have it on the brain right now (lol)
Such a great post
Don’t let teaching make you think you won’t be a good mother, it is totally different when you have your own baby.
xx
Awww, wonderful! I’m really close with my mum as well so I know where you’re coming from
I know you’ll be a wonderful mum, I think once you’ve got that baby in your arms and you know its YOURS you’ll realise you’re made to be a mummy
I just wanted to say that I think it’s better that you don’t want kids yet. You’re look soooo young! I was never ready for kids (until now
My maternal clock didn’t kick in until I was 35 and here I am 37 and about to have my first baby. But I’m glad I waited cause I’ve done so much and had my selfish time. I hope I’ll be a good mother, but it reassures me to know that at least my baby will have a great dad in my husband! (And I was also blessed with a great dad so that’s really important to me). It’s so nice to see how close you are to your mother (I envy that). Sounds like you had a great role model and when the time is right, you’ll be a pro at it the motherhood thing too!
Speking as a mother, I would be so happy if my daughter wrote that about me!
Lovely post Lulu. Your mother sounds wonderful and I am sure you will be just as fantastic as a mummy.
Lulu, my mum is a kiwi and moved to Australia (Sydney) when she was 17 too! I loved this post and like everyone else wanted to add that being anxious about becoming a mum is natural. I believe that in the way you describe how you relate to the children you teach, you already know more about kids than some parents! Recognising that a hug can often be just as effective as timeout and that allowing them to develop without crowding them will make you an outstanding mum. As for patience, I don’t know a single parent who hasn’t lost their patience with their kids at some point. The difference is in the parents that own this reaction and can apologise to their child and model the behaviour they wish to see in their children.
You seem very self aware which is a massive advantage in becoming a parent!
Xxx
If you needed to submit a CV to the Stork before becoming a mother I think what you have written above would show your suitability and qualifications
The main points that stood out to me in the above “application”:
You realize the importance of hugs.
Showing anger to children is not a solution.
You are not wearing rosy glasses and understand that parenthood is not always all sweetness and light but your experience with your mum shows that the light still shines through.
Having a terrific mother, you know what it takes to be one yourself.
A couple of observations though (I am not a teacher but have had charge of a multitude of the little darlings many times in the 26 years I have been a mom)
I love all kids but there are many I do not like very much – I love my own kids fiercely and like them (well at least most of the time).
You do have to keep emotions in check as a teacher. If you remain emotionless as a mother, how are kids to learn how their behavior affects others. I think losing patience with your own kids is natural – if we came across as perfect then we would be setting a path to failure for them. How could they reach such lofty heights. What is relevant is not that we feel this way but how we react when we do.
Sorry for the length of this. This has partly been a weekend of reflection for me – My daughter moved away to Perth last year with her job but is home for a few days. All my precious brood are together again for a while and we have been able to spend some time together – when daughter has not been out catching up with her mates at least
Thank you Lu Lu, love mum. xxxx
P.s. I love you too.
My mom wants me to get married and have a kid or two before she kicks the bucket. It’s one of the reasons we don’t talk on the phone so much these days (That and the phone call from japan is expensive). I do miss my mom, though.
Nice hanami pics, by the way.
I was always quite envious of your ability to handle little kids. You seemed to have a knack from a very young age. I’m trying to remember the family, but I think the youngest was named Alex who had red curly hair and you used to take care of him a bit when we were really young. And the kids who lived next door to you. They completely loved you and I’m sure the kids you look after will miss you dearly!
I think you will be an absolutely wonderful Mum – and the advice here is all very good. There is no perfect way, mistakes will be made but with good intentions and love, a lot can be achieved.
Plus your Mum is pretty damn cool and a very plucky woman so I know where you get it from! Mums rock!
xxxx