V is for Vicious Cycle…
In an effort to improve on my writing I have decided to sign up for Encyclopedia of me which started over at Bella Dia (and which I found out about by reading Laura`s blog here...)… participating in this hasn`t actually improved my writing at all but I still live in hope…
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V is for Vicious Cycle…
My father is an alcoholic.
He was never violent or abusive in the way you think alcholics are. In fact we had no idea he was an alcholoic until one day he went into hospital with severe stomach pain which turned out to be pancreatitis. He detoxed in an emergency room and ended up in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) before getting transferred to a private rehabilitation centre. We knew he drank, we even knew he drank a lot although we had no idea how much.
My father is an alcholic and he will always be that way. I was a student in Japan the first time he detoxed. I was not here and I am constantly reminded of this. He stayed in hospital and a rehabilitation centre for almost six weeks all together. He almost died.
My father is an alcoholic. I came back to Australia earlier this year because he was drinking again (they had also found that his cancer had returned after 8 years in remission however he is not undergoing treatment for this at this time) and while my family had not given up on him they had been through it many times before so I came back to care for him.He entered rehab again 3 days after I arrive. This was is 4th or perhaps 5th time to enter the facility and like we do everytime we hoped it would be the last time. It was a bad detox, perhaps the worst or at least the same as that first time. He ended up in ICU again and we were told that he probably wouldn`t make a recovery and it was very touch and go for about a week. We were told if he did make it he would be left with a type of alcoholics dementure meaning he would more than likely need 24 hour care.
My father is an alcoholic and when I returned to Australia earlier this year I almost lost him. He was lucky to survive the latest detox and I honestly thought he would not make it long enough to see Shun & I get married or ever meet his future grandkids.
My father is an alcoholic. When I saw him at the hospital he did not recognize me and I barely recognized him. He could not walk, could barely talk and wanted me to help him escape. Now, several months later he still does not remember me coming to see him.
My father is an alcoholic and when he left the rehabilitation centre this time around we really thought things would work out (like we have every other time). He attended AA meetings 2 or 3 times a week and would go to his rehabilitation centre for one day a fortnight. While he didn`t remember much of his time from the hospital his mind eventually returned back to normal.
My father is an alcoholic and he takes a medication that makes him violently ill if he drinks or has anything with vinegar in it. He has tested the boundaries of this medication at least once since getting released from the hospital. If he drank while on it, got sick and continued to drink he would go into a coma and die.
My father is an alcoholic and today I found three empty beer bottles hidden away under the house.
My father is an alcoholic and I fear this vicious cycle will not end until he kills himself. And that scares me so much…
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Oh Lulu, we’ve talked about this in real life, but it must be such a hard post for you to make. I really wish I had the right words to say, but I’m afraid that I don’t.
I know that your father appreciates what you are doing by staying with him and taking care of him. I think about your situation a lot, if there is anything I can do, or anything you want to talk about - I’m always open for a Skype
*big hugs*
Wow Lulu.
I think that’s so great what you’re doing.
It’s so hard to see a parent in such an unparentlike place, hey.
Hugs to you and here’s hoping there’s no more surprises.
Lulu… I don’t know any words that I can say that would help at the moment, but I can offer my *cyber* hugs, as many as you want. I wish that I could be there for you when you need someone to talk to. We have spoken about your dad a lot and I really thought that this time might just be the ‘last’ time. I know what you are going through is hard, but what you are doing for your dad is fantastic. Hang in there!
Hi Lulu- I am terribly sorry you live in the constant fear I have a family member so this hits close to home but what is so vicious is they hurt themselves in return hurt those around them like us, we love them, hate their behavior.
“hugs to your darling” although we have yet to meet in person, if you ever what to chat =) I’m here = )
Oh lulu - I had no idea!
What a brave thing you’ve done to come home and to manage all this… it must be so tough.
I hope there’s another explanation for the cans, I hope it’s all onwards and upwards from here…
*hugs*
I’m so sorry to hear that you, your father and family are going through this. Alcoholism is a terrible disease and so often kept secret. Your post made me cry actually.
(((Lulu))) I`m sorry to hear about this and I think you are an incredibly brave and wonderful daughter to do what you are doing. It must be so difficult to see your father hurting himself like that. Remember what GirlJapan said up above, love him and hate the behaviour. Super hugs and lots of prayers coming from me!
Oh mate, I am really sorry to hear about all this. You are amazing that you have the strength to support him in the way you are and he is lucky to have you. Big hugs and prayers winging their way to you from London. ((((LULU))))))
Oh Lulu, it must have been so hard to write that. You’re doing a very brave thing by returning to Australia to support your Dad, it must be so hard to watch him go through it all.
xoxo
I think you are a pretty amazing person to go back to Australia to help your dad like this. You are a wonderful daughter. I hope your dad can stop for both his sake and yours. And I hope he lives for many many many years and gets to see your wedding day and be very close with his future grandchilden as well. I agree with what Girl Japan said, hate the behavior but love your dad. Keep strong Lulu and if you ever need to talk, I will always listen. ((( Lulu)))
Wow Lulu….You’re amazing. I have such respect for what you are doing, and for sharing it with us. Keep strong and know that there are people out in cyberspace thinking about and supporting you.
Oh, Lulu! I am so sorry to hear you are dealing with this and I can’t imagine how hard it must be to see your father succumb to those destructive urges again. You are incredibly brave in coming home ot help him and also posting it here for everyone to see. You have a lot of support from your internet friends. We’re all thinking of you. (((hugs)))
Hi Lulu,
I’m sorry to see that you are so upset. No doubt you are feeling a mixture of emotions. Just remember he is ill and the fact that he hid the bottles means he’s not proud of it. Are you sure they are from recent times ? It’s awful watching someone you love hurt themselves… You are a special one, Laura. So, kind, brave and generous with both your heart and your time. This is a great quality of yours. The fact that your Dad is doing so well overall now most likely has a lot to do with you being there for him. You should be proud of yourself!
Love, Katie xxoo
Hey hun,
I hope you know that you are in my thoughts - your post had such an impact on me. I hope it brings you some comfort that a lot of people are thinking about you and your Dad at the moment and sending a lot of hope and good wishes your way. I too hope there was another explanation for the bottles - but alcoholism is such an insidious disease. Relationships can be put under such strain like the liver cells and all you can do is keep fighting together - even when all may seem hopeless.
xxxxx Thinking of you
What brave, beautiful writing this is.
I have no words to add - only utter admiration for your bravery and honesty. I hope everything works out for you and your family. xx
Lulu - reading your post made me think that you are an amazing daughter and a brave woman to be there for your father. And how lucky you are too - to have such an obviously wonderful guy in Shumpei that he would go to Aus to be with you in this difficult time. Thinking of you guys.
Such a great post, but I am so sad that you have to deal with this. I can’t even begin to imagine how stressful and hard it must be. I’m thinking of you, and I hope things get better soon. And I second what everyone else has said already - you are a great daughter, and very brave to try and help your dad like this.
xx
Bless you and your family, Lulu, as you go through this. Words aren’t enough for a situation so serious, but know that my thoughts and good wishes are added to the many that you have received. My very, very best to you all.