Last night Shun asked me if I would mind if he went snowboarding for the day on Saturday at the end of this month. I told him I would think about it… (It would mean he would leave the house early morning or maybe even drive overnight, and then not come back til very late Saturday night- it is with some work people)
Would it be unreasonable to say no and that I want him to stay here? The following weekend after that he has to work on the Saturday and we have known about that for awhile so it will just be Noah & I that day too.
I am thinking I will tell him that if he really wants to go then he should but if he feels like he could miss it then perhaps he should stay here. Shun is home late most nights and doesn`t get to see Noah awake much so I think he should want to stay home but I don`t want to force him to. I don`t want to be one of those people that says “no, you have to stay here and help me with the baby” because while he grumbles about getting up early he does get up when Noah gets up every second day so that I can get an extra hour of sleep (and I let him sleep on the alternative days) and on the weekends if I express milk he will feed Noah a bottle or two so that I can get a solid block of sleep. So really he is being helpful when he can be…
Last weekend Shun watched Noah so I could have a nap (for 2 hours) and after I woke up I told him he could go out if he wanted so he went to Pachinko with a friend for 2 hours so it is not like I make him stay home with us all weekend. I know if he didn`t have some free time it wouldn`t be fair since I get free-time at home while Noah is napping- even if during that time I usually have to prepare dinner and clean-up but he is still sleeping a lot at the moment so I get time to spend on the internet and watch tv as well. I also hope to start on his scrapbook next week- so I do get to do things I want to do.
I know if I ask him not to go he will not put up a fight at all, he will just say okay and tell the guys at work he can`t go- he is really easy going like that which Is why I don`t want to take advantage of his good nature. But is it wrong that I want to spend time together as a family on the weekends since we don`t get to do it much during the week…(even things like eating dinner together on the weekends make me happy as Shun is never home early enough during the week for us to eat together and now that the bub is here I am usually in bed by the time he gets home- even if I am still awake and reading)
What do you think?
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In other news Noah and I had an eventful day- we went out by ourselves for the first time (up until now either Shun, or my mum, or both of them have been with us when we have gone into town or out)- all went well and I got to Loft and the grocery store and to pick up a frame that I had ordered. If I am buying nappies though I really can`t buy more than a day or two worth of food since there is only so much I can hang on the pram.
Then we got home, Noah sat in his bouncer while I cleaned up quickly and put the groceries away and then I fed him and then all of a sudden, before he was even finished, he started to spit up and cough so I sat him up and he vomitted about 300ml-400ml of milk which is probably three of his feeds. There was milk EVERYWHERE! All over the sofa, all over me, all over him, all over the blankets that he was wrapped in and all over the floor. Literally my jeans were soaked through to my undies!!! I quickly stripped his clothes and mopped him down and then my own, then rang the hospital to see if I should bring him in and they said yes and so I wrapped him up and just walked to the clinic with him in my arms. The doctor checked him over and said he was constipated from his cold (I didn`t even know this could happen?) and asked me if he had been pooing (and he had, as much as normal anyway) so they gave him an enema and I waited there for awhile while he pooed, then the doctor saw him again and then fed him a little again to see if he would be sick again but he wasn`t so we came home with some other medicine to help with his stomach apparently.
The doctor showed me Noah`s legs before the enema and tapped his tummy and showed me how to tell if he is constipated- I don`t really understand the legs thing. I think he was showing me that in a certain part they were a different colour which indicates constipation- does anyone know anything about this?
Noah didn`t even cry when they gave him the enema (or when he was sick earlier)- he just started to get grizzly while we were waiting to see the doctor again and rightfully so as he had thrown up all of his milk and was STARVING! We got home and I did his bath, fed him a little more and have put him down for the night now- just writing this up while the rice is cooking as all the prep for the beef and asparagus oyster sauce stirfry is ready- I just need to chuck it in the pan.
Hopefully tomorrow will be less eventful!
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I am just a twenty something Aussie girl living in Chiba, Japan with my Japanese husband trying to make sense of the crazy Japanese world we live in! We welcomed our first son in December 2009 (Noah) and a second son in January 2011, 2 months premature (Shion). I am working hard at raising them to be confident, bilingual, happy kids!
Hope Noah is okay, that must have been pretty scary.
I’m answering this only because you asked for imput.
I totally get where you are coming from, and that you want some family time on Saturday and no, it isn’t too much to ask, but at the same time I’d tell him to go, go, have a great time with his pals, enjoy. You said yourself if you ask him not to he won’t, sounds like a decent chap.
Tell him you’d really like it if you guys could do something as a family on his next day off.
He’ll spend the entire day thinking how fabulous you are and missing you both. He’ll also probably find out that now he has a baby, hanging with the guys aint so much fun as it used to be. If he doesn’t go, he’ll spend the day thinking what an awesome time they’re having.
Wow, first of all, your husband is definitely an exception to the rule! Getting up so that you can have a sleep, and watching the baby while you take a nap, wallow in it! I have never had that, even when we all got Noro virus when Hannah was 2 months old and I had to take care of her in between throwing my guts out. Don’t seem to be alone in my experience (have to say mostly compared with Japanese Mummy friends), MIL or their own mother is the helpful one. I often point out to Yusuke that my Mum is several thousand miles away and that his mother works full time. Dad works late and only sees baby on weekends. Yusuke joked with me about it once, “that’s the role of the Daddy, right? At the weekend, kids say, ‘who are you?’ ha ha ha” As you can imagine, I did not find that very amusing. But it’s something that I have learned to deal with and find that often it is better to get things done if I do it myself. As for the schlepping, I can relate to that. It only gets worse I’m afraid Children get heavier, supplies get bigger…
In terms of the work thing, it really depends on your relationship, and as it seems, Shun has a more western point of view about family? Is this work thing something that all of his colleagues will be attending? In that case, it may be a little frowned upon by his bosses, but otherwise, I think it’s reasonable for you to at least ask him if he could reconsider at least while Noah is so small.
Good luck with the job too. I am terrible at leaving mine with other people. Can’t trust a soul! Although there are 一時保育 that you can use within the regular hoikuens, the city should have a list for you. They are quite pricey, here in Gunma, the average is about 1500-2500 per day, but I imagine they differ from prefecture to prefecture. If you do have the MIL option and yours isn’t psycho, I would definitely opt for that. Not that the hoikuens are bad, just that leaving baby crying seems to be revered, and they have a lot of kiddies to look after. I taught one student while Luka was a tiny baby. She came to my house, which was even better! Think that’s a good option with a newborn, as long as the student doesn’t mind that the baby might cry a few times during the lesson.
Oh! And another thing about the baby sick, one midwife told me to spill a teaspoon of water on my leg to get an idea of quantity, and it felt like LOADS!!! So it may be that he didn’t throw up quite as much as it seemed. Poor love, never heard the legs thing, but the tummy thing is a definite sign. Feel better soon Noah!
Hope Noah is feeling better in the morning. Have no idea about the constipation thing but it must have been scary seeing Noah throw up so much milk.
I like the advice misbehaving gave you. I need to take some of that too! I tend to be too into the whole ‘fairness’ thing. What I need to practice is after it has been OKed that hub is allowed to do something or go someplace that then I just leave it – and tell him to have a good time and not make him feel guilty about going. I’m good like
I hope Noah is okay. Don`t know about constipation in generally but I know that moving the legs back and forth and can help get things moving (or perhaps that is just for gas).
I think you are just going to have to let Shun decide. Perhaps tell him how you feel, you want him to spend time with Noah but you aren`t going to refuse to let him go if he really wants to or feels the need to.
Oh poor little Noah, and poor you, the massive milk vomits are scary, don’t miss them!
I agree, you sound like you’ve got a good hubby if he let’s you nap, ryota sometimes has the good intentions but usually just falls asleep!
I think you should let him go, but I say that now because I’m almost forgetting how hard those first six weeks with the new bubby are, when ryota left back for japan when ash was a few weeks old I was so upset, I felt like there was no way I could handle it on my own.
So I’d say if you can handle it then leg him go bug if it’s too much I’m sure he’ll understand that you need him to stay.
I think if you let him go off and have free time he will appreciate you that much more.
I can see where you’re coming from but it’s also good to have some time away from home, and you know what they say about distance making the heart grow fonder. He will probably really miss you guys and want to spend more time with you when he’s away. You know like if he gets chatting to some guys he is going with and they swap stories about their kids… he might even come home early!
It’s totally up to the way you feel though. Though you could always use it as an excuse to have a girls night out sometime in the future…
Poor Noah! (and you). It’s so hard when they’re tiny & not well.
Re: snowboarding, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want Shun to stay home with you. When Ali was 2 weeks old his brother rang to ask him to help his mother-in-law move house (so my sister-in-law’s mum, not my mother-in-law) and I thought it was really important to have some family time (and I was actually really cross that his brother asked, because they have kids so they know how intense the first few weeks are, and there was absolutely no way his wife would have agreed if it was the other way around!)
It sounds like you are doing so well looking after Noah and doing all the cooking & house stuff, but it makes it much easier if you know you’ll have some help & company on the weekend. Maybe just explain to Shun how you feel but let him decide?
Just be honest about how you feel but let him make up his own mind…and make him tell you how he’s feeling too. There’s nothing worse than letting resentment build up (for either of you). As long as it’s not a regular thing then I’m sure you will be able to spend lots of other weekends together as a family. Make sure you get a proper chance to relax sometimes too though! Hope Noah feels better soon!
I think that if Shun really wants to go (as opposed to just going because he’s expected to), I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it and would “let” him go and tell him to have a good time. If he was really unhelpful and resistant to being with the baby my answer would probably be different, but it sounds like you have a great dad on your hands and if he wants a break or some time with the guys, I think that should be ok. I would tell him though that you’d like to have family time on his next day off and ask him to think of something fun the three of you could do together. I bet, like the others said, he’ll really miss you guys and will thinking about how to make your next time off together extra special!
Scary about the throwing up episode, but I will ditto Laura A said, that even a smallish amount will look like a huge amount coming out of your baby! I’m glad he’s ok and doesn’t seem to put out by the whole thing.
Yikes -having poor little Noah throwing up like that must have been scary for you!! I hope the medicine you have been given is helping him and he is on the road to recovery!
Regarding the ski trip – everyone has offered a lot of great advice with opinions for both sides of the argument. I don’t know what I would do in your situation to be honest. I wish that I could say I would allow Naoki to go and smile while I did it, but in fact, I probably wouldn’t be able to. Especially with the amount of ‘family’ time you guys have together being limited to begin with. But in saying that, Noah seems like a pretty easy baby to look after and as you said you are able to do what you want while he is napping. Even with Shun at home there really isn’t a lot of bonding you can together as a family anyway so I would probably let him go. It’s more important (in my opinion) to have family time once Noah is more active and actually realises that his daddy is there or not. Just my two cents worth though
Wow so scary with Noah getting sick like that!!! You must have been so relieved that it was just constipation and nothing more serious.
Shun sounds really helpful!!
Now.. I think it would be nice for Shun to go off with his friends.. I just wonder if you could maybe get a friend to stay with you the night he is gone. I remember the first night Ryohei was away when Sakura was about 6 weeks old (and she was so much more of a difficult baby thatn noah seems so maybe it wont be an issue)
But that night was horrible and I was all by myself. It is the only night I have ever left her to cry because she was screaming for 6 hours straight and I had NO ONE to help me at all… This probably wont happen to you…. BUT if you feel unsure I’d see if you have a friend who’d stay the night with you or maybe stay a night with your inlaws or something.
If we end up being moved to Tokyo AND we go to Funabashi to live (or Tokyo really) and you need a babysitter sometime to go on a date with Shun or out with friends you know I’d be more than happy to take care of precious little Noah! hehe
Ohhh I’m so sorry to hear that your little munchkin has been so sick! The only thing i can think of is that maybe his cold made him dehydrated and that’s why he was constipated. You know how adults need to have more fluids with colds, well I guess infants are the same! Glad to hear the medicine seems to be working! You are such a good Mummy and wife! It’s the hardest job in the world but you seem to be managing really well!
Glad to hear Shun is not going away afterall _ I know you would have survived with he help of a friend-but in these early days I think it’s important for you to have as much support as possible, especially while he’s sick!