I have absolutely no patience today.
Sometimes I look at how I am as a mother and wonder why I am nothing like I thought I would be. As an early childhood teacher I think I had a lot of patience- I loved playing with the kids, watching them learn and thinking of ways to help them learn. I think if discipline was involved I handled it well- that said almost all of the kids I worked with were older than 15 months.
I honestly thought I would be a better mother than I am. I think becoming a mother has also made me have a lot more respect for my own parents because being a parent is definitely hard work. Honestly, are there parents out there that never raise their voices? That don`t need to tell their kids no? That have patience all the time? Seriously? I want to meet them!
Today already I have told Noah off for pinching his brother, climbing on the tv bench, climbing over me on the sofa (over my shoulders so he almost falls over the back of the couch), throwing food (he likes to throw food on the floor that he has already chewed up), spitting out water, not listening, stealing his brothers blanket, trying to tip his brother out of the bouncer, biting me, taking things out of a drawer he shouldn`t be in (There is no way to childproof this drawer- but it would be wasted space to take everything out of it so instead I moved anything semi dangerous to another place), banging on my computer, climbing on the table that is connected to the sofa (with my computer underneath), throwing wooden blocks, and more. The climbing on stuff is the hardest to deal with- both Shun & I were climbers though so I guess it was to be expected.
Some days I feel like all I am doing is telling him “No” – I try to limit saying “no” and instead redirect him to do something else but if I am feeding Shion at the time it is very hard to redirect him.
Sure- these are all things he shouldn`t be doing. But he is 15 months old so they are all normal things a 15 month old does as well. I have tried explaining WHY he can`t do these things but that of course doesn`t seem to be working either.
I just wish I had more patience. I am sure Noah wishes I did too.
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I am just a twenty something Aussie girl living in Chiba, Japan with my Japanese husband trying to make sense of the crazy Japanese world we live in! We welcomed our first son in December 2009 (Noah) and a second son in January 2011, 2 months premature (Shion). I am working hard at raising them to be confident, bilingual, happy kids!
Yes, it is a tough job! And I have WAY less patience with my own than I did with students or nieces and nephews. It’s just tougher when it’s 24/7. I think it’s really important to stop judging ourselves by the completely unrealistic, mistaken ideas we had about what perfect parents we’d be, before we were parents! For one thing, there just isn’t enough time in the day! For another thing, I’ve found sometimes some things contradict each other – before you have your own kids, you have rather vague ideas about how your kids are not going to be pressured to succeed… but they’re going to be academic geniuses as well… they’re going to be free spirits and not be told off all the time… but perfectly behaved and minding their manners… sooo hard to tick all the boxes! Give yourself a break. We can be fantastic mothers some of the time, we all have turns at being horrible, but most of us manage to be good enough, most of the time!
You know what Laura, “I have absolutely no patience today” is something I could have written myself almost every single day of my life as a mother. Being a mother is HARD. It is incredible and wonderful and fulfilling but it is bloody hard work. No-one warns you quite how draining it can be, even when your kids are being perfectly behaved and you are in a good mood. I am a very patient person, ridiculously so at times but like you I am not the mother I thought I was going to be and there are so many days when I just can’t handle everything. I have stopped beating myself up about it though. I have alot on my plate and it is ok to not be the wonderfully content beaming earth mother that I thought I would be. Same goes for you. You have had ALOT on your plate since my little birthday buddy came into the world and you have handled it wonderfully and I have been amazed by how calm and in control you have remained. So you have had a day where you are lacking patience, so what?? You will have hundreds more over the next decade but your kids won’t love you any less for it. There are days when I make Joey flinch because I berate him so loudly and I feel awful but I do think that we give ourselves too much of a hard time. As long as we shower them with love when we have the energy for it, I am fairly sure they will grow up just fine!! I get alot of compliments about what a happy and confident little boy Joey is so I figure that despite my lack of patience and the fact I am not the calm and collected mother I thought I would be, I can’t be doing too much wrong so I might as well just go with the flow!!
We all have days like this Laura. I doubt myself as a mother so often but then I look at Leilah and see how much she adores me and realise that in her eyes I am doing a good job. Both Noah and Shion think you are the best mother in the world and they are right!! You are doing a fantastic job and having the odd crappy day here or there isn’t going to damage the boys.
*hugs*
I started out the day, with just one sick toddler, with loads of patience. Then, after picking chaos and mayhem up from kindy and still having a sick toddler I lost it all – out the window. Marina is our little princess at the moment. 3 is such a testing time and she is going for gold.
I have had countless days where I feel I have spent more time telling them off than actually sitting down and interacting with them.
Arrghhh, mothering. I’d rather work in the tax department.
Hang in there. I’m sure tomorrow will be a better day. Sometimes small people just seem to act up more the more you tell them off.
Ganbare.
xxx
*hugs*
Hey! I’m having that kind of day today… Missha spilled powdered bleach all over herself, threw a huge crate of blueberries across the kitchen, won’t stop crying, and I can’t get 5mins on the computer or in my room without her trying to climb the stairs behind me (which have a brick wall at the bottom) so I have to chase her. (I miss our child proof home) All I’ve done this morning is yell at her “STOP!” But no, I don’t believe in yelling at kids..because they don’t know better.. =/
We all have this kinda day, and I agree that others’s kids is a different story, and isn’t 24/7. What I tell myself, is that I know I am still a good mom. Because yanno, I may go crazy from time to time and freak out at Missha… but it’s honestly not all that often. I play with her tonnes, we always laugh together and she is smiles 90% of the time. I know parents who are like me in a bad mood alll day everyday, and I feel for those kids.
You’re a great mom too Lulu.
Laura,
I think you need to put a few things into perspective!!! A lot has happened to you and your boys since January and Noah is reacting to this maybe. Things will settle down when he get use to having Shion around. Kieran was like this when William came along. He was older but still did the same things. I don’t know how I got through some days.
Take care Laura!! It does get better!!!
Laura – I love this post. I think all mothers would. Because it’s honest. Being a mother is not all good days of happy cuddles. We all have this perfect picture of what a “good mother” is. And I think that’s what makes us good mothers. We care about it, we worry when we are not fitting into that perfect picture, and the truth is, we will never fit into it. Caring about manners and safety enough to tell your child, “no” is part of good mothering in my book. I learned to choose my battles, and after a particularly hard day, let the small things slide, but I still have strong principles, so will always say, “no” to those important things. I know it does feel like a whole day of “nos” sometimes, especially when there is more than one child in the equation. But then that is an important part of learning and sharing. Let those days come, and let them pass. I and lots of others know how you feel xxxooo