My husband turned 30 on Thursday and we were supposed to have a BBQ today with some friends to celebrate but due to the impending typhoon we cancelled the BBQ and met up at a yakiniku (Korean BBQ) restaurant instead. It is a shame we couldn`t do the BBQ but I am sure we can do one later in the summer. The meet up was also to say goodbye to a friend, Gary, who is moving back to the UK. I hadn`t seen Gary since September (and he hadn`t met Shion before) so it was lovely to catch up with him as well.
It was great to see James, Cat, Sumi, Nao and Hiro- friends from the “Seikei” crowd although Sumi & Nao didn`t actually go to Seikei they are become part of the group over the last 6 years plus (and so did Gary who we met through Cat). Plus, in his own way, Shun is also a ring in but someone from the “Seikei” crowd did introduce us and Shun did go to Seikei too but had graduated by the time I met him.
We ate, came back to our apartment, had some birthday cake and hung out for awhile- James & Gary left earlier to go home to their gfs and wives but the others hung around a bit longer- Hiro loves playing with Noah and kept him entertained for ages. The feeling is entirely mutual as Noah would continuously go to sit on Hiro`s lap and have a cuddle.
I miss my Seikei friends- we don`t meet up as often as we used to (at least I don`t) and Sumi & Cat (and probably Hiro) were heading out for drinks in Shinjuku after they left and over the winter they go snowboarding and over the summer they go camping and go to hanabi and I miss that life. It was a lot of fun.
I love my current life too but marriage, kids, trying to build a house just doesn`t lend itself well to the kind of life I used to lead before I was married with kids. Probably more the “kids” part than anything. For more than 2 years now I have been pregnant or breastfeeding continuously- I have had a couple of glasses of wine here and there (yay for expressed breast milk & babies that sleep 7-8 hours straight!) but it has been ages since I have had a night out, drinking and hanging out with my friends somewhere other than my home. Plus for 8 months before I was pregnant I was living in Australia so not able to hang out with the Seikei crowd.
Tonight, looking through old photos, it was fun to reminisce…
I don`t miss hangovers though. I also don`t miss smokey bars/izakayas. Or been fat (Not drinking much or eating out a lot has definitely helped in maintaining a more healthy weight!)- I do miss the socialization and friendships I had though. Not that I don`t have those friends anymore. I do. But our lives are not as intertwined as they once were and I definitely do not see them as much as I would like. I think a night out once I am done breastfeeding Shion is definitely on the cards- Shun can baby sit!
Watching some of my friends today with my kids though I could tell that they wished, somewhat, for the life I have- some of them wish to be married, others wish they had kids. The grass is always greener though, right?
Not that I would trade my kids in to go back to that life but maybe for a night or two!!!!
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I am just a twenty something Aussie girl living in Chiba, Japan with my Japanese husband trying to make sense of the crazy Japanese world we live in! We welcomed our first son in December 2009 (Noah) and a second son in January 2011, 2 months premature (Shion). I am working hard at raising them to be confident, bilingual, happy kids!
It is totally normal to miss your old life sometimes. I know that I often feel nostalgic for the good old days (I was a major partier back before I got married and there are times that I look back and I absolutely cannot imagine how I used to live like that, lol, it seems soooo far removed from my life now). But when I think about it really, most of my friends from that time have moved on too. They might not be married with kids, but they’re all in different places and doing different things and there’d really be no going back anyhow.
That said, once your kids get a bit older you can start feel more comfortable leaving them for longer periods of time and you can reclaim your old self a little bit. When the kids are small they depend on you so much that it is hard to really do that but once they’re older it gets easier. DH and I leave the kids with a friend a couple of nights a month. They love their auntie and it is good for them to get attached to other adults I think, and it is good for DH and I to have some time to ourselves too. I bet that once Shion is weaned you’ll be able to regain a bit of independence too.
I know how you feel!! I had my girlfriends here tonight and I would have given almost anything to have a few wines and laughs free of children waking in their beds, children who won’t sleep and early starts in the morning! But I wouldn’t give my babies. Or maybe just one. Depends how good the wine was!
Also, big thanks for your LOVELY comment on my blog the other day! I haven’t deleted it out of my email inbox yet because I want to reply but have changed commenting systems!
Just back from a fab night out with some South Africans in the area and boy was it fun! Even fun being the only one on mocktails!!
Guess that’s why I’m not the one face down asleep in our bed right now and feeling energised by the night. How great it is just to kick back and let off some steam in a happy friendly environment. I found the one guy through our comments to the same SA newspaper after the earthquake and then contacted him through FB like a right little stalker! Good things came from a bad situation in this case 
I’m all for the hub baby sitting for you and you letting your hair down for a night of fun and relaxation. It’s essential and well-deserved! Xx
You are so gorgeous!! <3
Meanwhile I so hear you. I've been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for 8 yrs come August. I do have a drink now and again, but I don't go out much at all and when I do I usually have a baby with me.
Mostly I don't miss it. I certainly don't resent the loss of that life. But far out sometimes I wish I could just have one night yk? Just one night of being young and carefree again.
The problem being that after that one night I'd still have four kids to tend to in the morning LOL. Hangover + kids = epic fail I suspect!!
Sounds like you had a lovely day with your friends.
I was never really the going out type so I can’t say I miss that at all. I love having friends over and drinking at home though!!
I do sometimes miss my pre baby days though – especially when Leilah is screaming at my feet for the 1000th time that day. It would just be nice to not have to worry about anyone/anything occasionally… gah, that makes me sound so selfish!
I need to enjoy this part of life now then hey?
I’ve only been doing this a couple of months and already feel like that! Completely normal, I think.
Ah, I know that feeling. I was comparatively young when I got married and started having children, so a lot of my friends from school and uni were in a different stage for a few years. But what is nice is that now we’re in our early 30s a lot of those friends are now starting to have babies… even though in the meantime I’ve met new friends with babies through mothers group etc. there is something very special about sharing this stage of life with people I’ve known for ages and gone through other stages with. Plus, now they’re all pregnant or breastfeeding they’re not making me jealous by going out dancing and to bars
Great that you could have a fab time out with your friends
And Happy belated birthday, Shun!