Firstly- thank you to all who commented on the post below or messaged me privately. I am lucky to have such wonderful friends and readers. I am trying not to let Noah`s lack of words stress me out too much and hoping he is just a late talker but will eventually catch up with his peers in both of his languages.
We have been sleep training Shion over the last week- I did it much earlier with Noah and from six months Noah would go down for naps by himself with out issues and once he was weaned onto soy formula at 8.5 months he basically slept through the night 99% of the time since. Noah was also pretty easy to sleep train- the first 2-3 nights were hellish where I did the controlled crying method and he never really cried a lot but I had to go in every 5 minutes or so to “shh shh shh” him although I found playing a CD for him seemed to really help him settle. Shion has been a whole different story- perhaps it is because he is still breastfed { I weaned Noah because I was pregnant with him on advice of my doctor due to pre-term labour issues I had with Noah- subsequently I still gave birth to Shion prematurely but that is a whole different issue}. Shion slept through from 3-6 months as well and them stopped over the summer never really getting back into a good sleep routine and started to rely on feeding for sleep a lot and I knew if I didn`t stop this then it would be so much harder to wean him and sleep train him.
I know some think feeding on demand is the way to go and also feeding til baby is asleep- I kind of agree for the first six months but then I think teaching a child to go to sleep by themself is a special gift. Nothing worse than wanting to sleep but not been able to make yourself go to sleep.
It is hard to be consistent though when you have another child to worry about.
So firstly I changed up his feeding schedule and now that he is eating a lot more tried to cut back on the breastfeeding. Now he goes about 4 hours between feeds {instead of 2.5 hours} having one at about 2am, 6 or 7am, 10 or 11am, 3pm and then before bed from about 6:30pm. He feeds both sides for his last feed but usually just one side for the others. He naps at about 9 or 9:30am but only for a short time- usually 30 minutes or an hour and then again for a longer nap from 12 or 12:30 at the same time as Noah. He might nod off for 20-30 minutes again late afternoon if we are out and about in the stroller or carrier if I have taken Noah to the park but more often than not he just has the two naps and then goes down to bed about 7pm.
I put him in his bed and say “Sleep time Shion”, pat him on the bum {he sleeps on his front now} and then leave the room. At night I wait outside his door but for naps I just go back downstairs as we don`t really have any problems with naps so far {touch wood!} and he doesn`t cry. At night he cries but not hysterical crying and sometimes he just goes “waa”……stops and chats and plays then goes “waaa” again to let me know he is still awake. Last night was the worst night so far- he cried on and off for 45 minutes but he wasn`t gassy or hungry. It think he was just overtired. Once he was asleep though {in those 45 minutes I went back up 5 times- he didn`t cry continuously but he didn`t settle well either} he slept through until almost 2:30- I heard him cry out once at 10:30 but before I had even got off the sofa he was already back to sleep. I wait outside his room at first to see how he will go because I put Noah into his bed at the same time and I don`t want Shion getting stressed out to upset Noah as well. So far we have not had any issues though and it takes Noah awhile to fall asleep anyway as he seems to need to wind down by himself for 30 minutes or so before he sleeps- he just plays in his bed, in the dark, though without any issues. Shion woke up again at 4am this morning, but after 2 burps he went back to sleep til 7am.
Basically if he wakes up before 1am I just pick him up, give him a cuddle then put him back in his bed. He still gets gassy so sometimes I can tell by the way he holds his body if he is uncomfortable. Once he wakes up after 1am I feed him and then the hope is that he goes back to sleep til at least 6am. Anytime after 6 then we just get up for the day so I will feed him still in bed but he is not usually so interested as he just wants to start playing.
So we are down to 5 feeds a day {6 if he has an extra feed overnight but I try not to jsut feed him back to sleep if I can unless he is obviously hungry}. I guess the method we are using is controlled crying although last night was really the only night {of the last 5} that he cried much. One of the nights in the last 5 he was asleep when I put him in bed….he fed and just wouldn`t wake back up so I ended up putting him asleep but without fail he wakes up within an hour so I know letting him put himself to sleep makes for a more restful sleep for him.
Hopefully within the next week he will be fine for naps and nights and then we can start working on weaning him onto formula {will do it when he is around one} and getting him to sleep through from 7:30 til 6am or later.
Some people say they hate to hear their babies cry. I agree- it is not pleasant. That said- I think Shion is old enough now to be able to cry a little bit without actually NEEDING me to pick him up. Luckily the only time he has cried for more than 5 minutes was last night in this process. Today first nap was in the stroller but for second nap he didn`t even make a peep…well not an unhappy peep…I did hear him “chatting” for a couple of minutes at first.
Did you have trouble teaching your kids to go to sleep by themselves? Did you co-sleep? {Shion is in our room but has his own bed- he will have his own room in the new house though and Noah has always slept in his own room}? Do you swear by a certain method? I have never heard anyone say they regret sleep training although I have heard a lot of mothers say it was hard…what do you think?
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I am just a twenty something Aussie girl living in Chiba, Japan with my Japanese husband trying to make sense of the crazy Japanese world we live in! We welcomed our first son in December 2009 (Noah) and a second son in January 2011, 2 months premature (Shion). I am working hard at raising them to be confident, bilingual, happy kids!
Flynn had such a problem with his sleeping ( waking up to 7 or 8 times a night, and not being able to get back to sleep without patting or cuddling ) that we ended up being accepted to a specialist sleep training “school ” ( which you can only go to after you have been referred by a doctor or nurse ). They use a controlled crying method and, yes, it was excruciating having to listen to him wailing the first day we were there …. but i dont regret it.at.all.
I honestly dont know where we would be without it and the main thing i learned is consistency is key – so stick it at!
We are still co-sleeping with our little girl. She’s much better compared to before and wakes up only 1-2 times a night, more when she is ill. But we take it in our stride and she settles down rather easily so that’s ok I guess… We will eventually move her to her own room though. Maybe in a year or 2
Ai @ Sakura Haruka
Consistency is definately the way to go, I think babies learn fairly quickly if you do the same thing over and over. I have a rule that once in bed, the baby can’t come back out to the living room if they’re crying. I try to settle them in bed first (dummy,pat the head/tummy). If they are really upset i sit on the rocking chair for a minute until quiet then put them back in bed and leave the room. I have always put them in bed awake rather than settle to sleep. Sometimes I have to go in a couple of times but overall it works pretty well and they both sleep through (except recently a few wake ups but i just resettle, never offer a feed). I am not sure whether there is a difference with breastfed babies though, we bottle feed now.
A few ppl i know have gone to sleep school and thought it was well worth it (even just day stays rather than overnight). This is in Aust though.
Good luck ::)
We did our sleep training early around 2-3 months and because of the personality of our older 2 I didn’t even go back in to pat their backs or anything! I knew it would just work them up more to see me. With all four kids it only took 3 days to get through the worst of it and then it was smooth sailing unless they got sick or had some other interruption. I agree with your statement that teaching them how to go to sleep on their own is a special gift. I love the fact that now at ages 5-10 I just tell them it’s bedtime, they all get changed, brush their teeth, etc. and then prayers and kisses and they’re in bed. People are constantly surprised how easy it is to get our kids to bed and it makes my life so much easier.
Keep it up! You won’t be disappointed.
I have put myself into a shocking routine and I don’t know how to get out of it.
I put Max in his own bed (in our room) at the start of the night (around 8:30). He usually wakes 2-3 times between then and 3am. I try not to feed him if he wakes before 3am but he often will fuss and cry until he gets boob. Daddy can usually get him back to sleep faster than me but he often is not home from work until after 1am. Max does sleep well during this early part of the night. He has once slept from 8:30 to 3am without a single wakeup but that was only last week. But I see it as progress from the previous 30 minute intervals he was sleeping for.
Then after around 3am the “fun” starts. Max doesn’t seem to want to sleep unless he is in our bed and suckling on me. If I try to gently detach him, he will root around, whimper and then fuss and then escalate to full screams if I don’t let him back on the boob. So he is kinda in a half sleep from 3am until 7:30 or 8am when he is up for the day. I am getting no sleep and am starting to really resent it. I have made an appointment with the lactation consultant to see if she has any bright ideas.
I can’t stand the crying. We tried a night of “crying it out” and I put on the stop watch for 10minute intervals. It was just awful. Over an hour of screaming that I had to listen to over the baby monitor. Every 10 minutes I would go in and let him know I was still around and pat him on the back but I didn’t pick him up. He fell asleep but it only lasted an hour or so before he was awake again but I couldn’t do it again.
We sleep trained big son when he was around 6 mos. Around that time we moved him from our futon to a crib in our room. Little son slept in a “moses basket” next to our futon, but moved to our bed when necessary. I was never successful in sleep-training him, because of inconsistency. We were living within driving reach of my PILs and whenever we stayed the night at their place, they would go up to him if he cried or expect me to. So I finally gave up on sleep-training him, and used to pat his back and sing him to sleep until he was around 1 and 1/2 or older. When he grew out of the moses basket he was in a crib in our bedroom, and at around age 2 and 1/2 (?) he moved to his brother’s futon in the other bedroom. I agree that consistency is key with sleep training!! At the time it was a pain having to be with him when he fell asleep, but now it’s all in the past and doesn’t seem so bad