The challenge for week 2 of the 52 weeks to Simplify your Life Challenge was to define your core values. I have never sat down to try and do this before and I have spent all week thinking about it and jotting down ideas and looking through lists of values to see what jumped out at me and what I stood for. Deb, provided us with some questions to ponder {as well as a printable of some values} and talked about what defining out core values would likely give us including where our focus should be {and what we should perhaps let go}, giving our lives intention but also guide us in the way we want to parent {for those with kids}.
My original list included {in no particular order} family, love, self development, happiness, freedom, control, nuturing, learning, moterhood, open-mindedness, authenticity, connection, loyalty, gratitude, integrity, enthusiasm, laughter, peaceful, humour, simplicity, peace, contentment, positivity, patience, imagination, understanding, creativity, health, respect, compassion, trust, sincerity, acceptance, & tolerance…..my journal is a bit messy so there could of even been a couple more in there…
We have to cut it down to five. Some of the words on the list above could be tied together I felt and I thought more about how one value could actually mean more than one thing and incorporate others and I went from there.
I narrowed it down to family, love, growth, happiness, balance, freedom, authenticity, gratitude, integrity, health & fun.
For me I found that some of the values I wanted but didn`t actually “have” or at least I wasn`t following them in a way that was acceptable for me…this was eye opening for me because of course I want to be the best person I can be but I guess it also showed me that I have to try harder. It was pointed out that values are not what you think you SHOULD hold. I did think about this a lot this week but I still came back to similar values that I felt were my core values. As I said it took me several days before I was certain that the five I had narrowed it down to were in fact my five core values.
In the end my core values list looked like this.
Love
Love for my family, friends, life and everything in between even the more simple things like hot coffee, getting creative, internet/connections, fresh air, books, good food. Also love for myself.
My family is my everything but I felt that love shows that my family is a giant part of my core values- I had family as #2 in my list for several days {with growth first} before I realized love fitted me better and incorporated so much more of what I was about and what I wanted to be. For all decisions I make and all things I do I will always value my family and make sure they are okay and if they arn`t okay do everything in my power to make them okay again. I want what is best for them {and this comes back to growth again for them and for me} and in order to achieve that I need to keep them in the foremost part of my mind. I love them unconditionally.
Loving myself is also something I need to work on a lot. I think in order to show my kids that they need to love themselves as well that they need to see me loving myself and not just see me loving them and their dad. This exercise got me thinking a lot about this and how I view myself and how my children will view me as they grow. I need to focus on what I love {and value}.
As they say, love makes the world go around {or at least makes the ride worthwhile!}
Growth
For me, growth means self development not just for myself but for my family. It also means to strive to be better and to move forward and not stay stagnant. To never stop learning, trying new things and working on myself. I think while growth came before family on my list that it shows my desire to be better FOR my family and to continue growing always.
There are a lot of things I want to work on new and old- and I never want to stop being the best person I can be- which is why growth is one of my core values.
Authenticity
I tossed up between integrity `{something I truly hope I have} and this because when I thought about what I values I wanted to make sure my boys have and kept coming back to integrity. The more I thought about it though the more I realized that authenticity worked better. I need to be true to myself always, no fakeness. I really value honesty and I strive to be an honest person and I think this comes into play with being authentic as well.
I like to think that I am genuinely a nice person- kind, caring and I want to continue to be this person but I also need to remember to not lose myself in trying to be too nice….My mum always used to say “If you can`t say anything nice then don`t say anything at all” and I have to remember this.
Happiness
I have spent most of my adult life trying to be happy and trying to find my happy. There have been times when I have been so unhappy that it has been hard to think about anything BUT trying to find my happy. This also came back to my family and kids and wanting to create a happy environment for them to grow up in. Their happiness is something I am striving for always as well because it is one of my top priorities {see love/family as my first value!} but I also want to show them that they can create their own happiness and be the makers of their own destiny.
I have learnt over the years that ultimately you have to make your own happiness- of course the world around you and the people in it help but it doesn`t just happen- you need to be watching for the good things or you will miss them. So for me happiness is also about positivity, gratitude and being thankful for what you have because I think when you focus on the good then it is easier to find happiness.
Laughing everyday is a must.
Balance
Balance is important to me because in order to follow my values and be true to myself I need balance in my life. Balancing family vs me time, growth for myself vs growth for my family, work vs home etc. Also balance for my health because I have definitely let my health slip in the last couple of years. Some of my other goals for this year were to get better with money and I need to find a happy balance for our spending because at the moment we don`t have it balanced very well.
I also put this as I value balance in our household and in my marriage and this has been something we have struggled with in recent years {since getting married I guess!}.
I also am quite an organized person but having two kids in two years {well actually 2 kids in 12.5 months} I feel like things have gotten a bit out of control in some areas of our lives {ie as mentioned above with health, money, marriage but also with the amount of time I spend online when the kids are sleeping} and I need to regain balance. I know that our core values shouldn`t be goals exactly but I think balance was once very high in my list of core values but has gone to the wayside a bit in recent years.
Now that I have these defined I already feel like I am heading in the right direction
Are you participating in the SYL12 challenge as well? What are your core values & did your list come to you easily or not?
Popularity: 6% [?]
I am just a twenty something Aussie girl living in Chiba, Japan with my Japanese husband trying to find my way in a country that is not my own! We welcomed our first son in December 2009 (Noah) and a second son {Shion} in January 2011- yes they are just over 12 months apart so life is a little insane with two toddlers underfoot. I am working hard at raising them to be curious, confident, bilingual and happy kids.
Great list!!! I was thinking of grouping some together, like family, but decided that marriage and motherhood were each too big a value to go together in one! I found mine (posting tomorrow) to be super relevant to my life as it is now. As in, my Top 5 now weren’t top 5 a few years ago, and may change in the future (to an extent), but they truly reflect me and my life as it is now.
That is a good point. I don`t think my five would of been the same 5 years ago either. I really enjoyed your list Alyce and it is nice to see someone with such a strong faith as well.
well, we aren`t the greatest to ask about money as we usually only have maybe 1 man in the bank by payday (this is our spending money, we do have two separate savings and we do save about 3-5 man a month not bad when you consider how much T brings home every month)
One thing we are doing and you might want to consider doing something similar is saving every month to go towards just the property taxes. We were told an estimate about how much ours would cost (the first 3 years are a bit lower it seems). Not sure how you can ask about yours if you haven`t already. You could ask your ILs how much they were paying every year but with a new house being built the tax value will be reassessed.
now our old apartment rent was 9.3 man each month and we pay 6.7 for our mortgage each month. A definite savings but we still stick that same 9.3 man in the bank (which is just used for the home loan as we had to open a new account for that at a certain bank up here). So every month we have an extra 2.5 man that is being saving specifically for the property tax so that when the time comes we 1)will definitely have the money ready and 2)won`t be in shock about how much to pay. (we were told that after three years it will be about 10man, before that it will be about 6. I know each town is different and 10 man may or may not be the exact amount but better safe than sorry. Our land is worth about 700man, so maybe if you do a calculation in your head doing what we have maybe you can come to a guess about what to expect for yours as a goal for savings. That is if you haven`t already asked about property taxes).
Hope that is something you can use in order to help you guys with your money goals
Our rent at our old place was 100,000 a month but Shun`s company paid 30,000 of it a month but it came in with his salary. They are still doing that now even though our rent is only 30,000 a month {to grandma} so we are saving 50,000 or more each month at the moment most months. I like the idea of putting away for property tax as we go along- as far as I know though since we are paying the mortgage I think my in-laws have said they will do the property tax until FIL is 70. Will have to confirm this. They were talking about this recently. I just zoned out.
Talking about money bores me and makes me sad because I wish it wasn`t so complicated.
Any hints on reducing our food bill? That is my BIGGEST issue!
Definitely double check about the property taxes otherwise you don`t want a nasty surprise!
I honestly don`t know how much we spend on groceries but I would say we are definitely half of what you spend. Of course our menus are rather boring and we all tend to eat the exact same thing. recently we all eat sandwiches for lunch. Taka has been eating egg sandwiches and Misora and I rotate between grilled ham and cheese, chicken salad, and pb&j. We usually eat curry twice a week (probably 25o yen for veggies, 300 yen for the beef, and 200 for the roux so for 6 meals for 700 yen….) and we usually do the same with chicken stew as well so for at least 4 meals in one week we have spent maybe 1400 yen. Trust me it does get boring but trying to save. Of course it all depends on price, we usually don`t buy any meat if its more than 300 yen unless its like a 3 or 4 pack of chicken. I wouldn`t buy chicken if it cost more than 300 yen for 2 chicken breasts.
I also don`t eat out any with just Misora and I (we might eat out once a month if Taka is around). I don@t buy gourmet coffees, etc. I love milk tea but we just buy a big (like 50 tea bags for 198 yen) box of tea and I just make it home using ingredients I have.
I only buy speciality item (fruits, veggies, etc if they are on sale, otherwise our main veggies are carrots, potatoes, onions, and broccoli, which are the current cheap items around here).
I usually spend about 1 man 1 week on all the things for us (food, soaps, etc and whatever else comes up). I will split a pack of ground beef and make a mostly tomato but slightly meaty sauce for past etc.
I`m not sure where all our money is going lately, but considering we only bring home 28 man a month (after taxes etc) we aren`t doing so bad, it will be better once it warms up and our electric bill goes down (if you ended up getting heated floors in the new place watch that bill!!! our heated carpet uses less electricity than the floor, only just switched it out this month as Taka was using it the past 2 months, am hoping the bill will be a lot less than what it was before)
great post lulu.
Thanks GW.
I found this one really difficult! Like you I got kind of tripped up by values that I “felt” I should have but in the end I think I got the right five. I really like your list – I know we’ve only met a couple of times but they all do seem like qualities that you have in spades
I was the same originally. Thinking about ones I should have but like you I think my list reflects me and what I want for myself and family quite well.
Enjoyed reading your list as well.
I found this challenge extremely hard so I am glad I was not the only one who struggled! I seriously considered most of the values you listed but went with some slightly different ones in the end – I’m sure I could have done 5 different lists that would have been equally as relevant as the one I published! Good luck with the rest of the challenge.
I definitely don`t think you were the only one {because I did as well and others too} that struggled. I think there are definitely some values that can almost mirror others as well- I mean for some that I have read the reasoning is very similar to mine but their “words” are different if that makes sense.
It was a great exercise. While I struggled I definitely enjoyed it!
lovely values, lulu!
i liked what you wrote about loving yourself and being a role model for your kids, I’ve been thinking about that lately too…If I want my future kids to love themselves I need to teach them how to do that through loving myself unconditionally…yeah, I still have a long way to go on that one! Here’s to living by our values in 2012!
Katie, I definitely do think more about how I want to be as a person so that my kids can develop qualities that I want them to have. I am sure that as they grow they will choose their own values as well and they could be completely different to mine but despite that love will always remain on my list I think and I will love them unconditionally no matter which way they go.
I have a way to go on it for me as well- but we will get there!
ps: Will be in Brisbane from Mar 21-Apr 9 if you fancy a catch up. Might not have a car and will have both boys with me if I do meet up but on a train line I could do! They don`t eat out so well {haha!} but a picnic in the city even would be nice!
It is so awesome that you are mindful of this for the sake of your boys! Yeah! If your boys see you valuing & loving yourself they’ll definitely get the right message! Have you got of list of things you do every day to show love to yourself?
What I forgot to mention in my previous post is that I’ve been reflecting lately and my Mum didn’t teach me self-love very well, I know she did the best she could, but she still doesn’t do self-love very well, so it doesn’t come naturally to me, but I’m learning about it and improving on it
Reading this post has got me thinking that I really need to workout what my values are. I’ve been meaning to do this for awhile as it is on my “homework list”. I’ve been reading about defining personal values in some books I’ve read by Dr Russ Harris “The Reality Slap” and “The Confidence Gap”. ..but I keep procrastinating about actually doing it!!
Yes! Would love to see you while you’re here! A picnic in the city would be fun! You are an inspiration to Brisbane Mothers! It is not actually that bad getting around by public transport with kids
Your thought process was so similar to mine and the values very similar too. If I was doing the same task now I would put in integrity. For some reason I forgot it. Duh!
Maybe forgetting it off you list was because you already have it in spades and don`t have to think about it because you already “have” it? I have definitely enjoyed reading how other went with this task. It was eye opening in many ways.
Thanks for commenting.
I enjoyed reading through your process Lulu, thank you. It is so hard to limit it to just 5 isn’t it. It really does seem like you value your family more than anything else. With kids 12.5 months apart it is a blessing to value your family so much.:)
Haha- I am not sure I value them as much as I should EVERY day but I do try and ultimately they are always at the top of my list even if I am having a bad day…and scream a little…
I enjoyed your list as well- thanks for coming by to read mine as well.
I like your list – from what I know of you it is very fitting!
GYou wouldn’t believe how much reading your post about this made me think about my own values… I ended up making my own list and blogging about it as well despite not ‘officially’ joining in with this challenge.
I wrote about it on FWC too Nay and some others listed theirs. It really got me thinking! I loved reading your list and like you said about me I thought yours was very fitting for the person I know you to be.
Great values Lulu. I think this was a tough challenge for lots of us. I think you have nailed it on the head with balance. It’s definitely important.
I struggle a lot with balance- something I definitely value and want but often the hardest for me to acheive. Hopefully this year, and the years to follow, I will get more of a handle on it. Thanks for stopping by!
So much of what you listed resonated with me, particularly your reasons for choosing the values you did.
One of the things the exercised opened up to me was how truly ingrained our values are and what a great foundation they make that we can build upon.
Thank you. I agree with you that while sometimes values can change or the order perhaps that ultimately most of them are ingrained- I too saw it as a great exercise into how I should be living my life and where I can focus on more.
Great post Lulu – and you are going to love week 4 – it is all about balance! Can’t wait to see you elaborate on that.
I love the holistic view you have on life – balance and happiness are paramount to being content in all spheres of your life. I definitely hear you on the balance as when it is off-kilter things do tend to spiral somewhat. i am inspired to write my own set now! Xx