For week three of the SYL12 challenge we had to make a family mission statement. I thought about doing two- one for me and one for our family as ultimately I am writing them but for now I have only written one for our family. My personal core values were love, growth. authenticity, happiness and balance and I spent the week talking with Shun to help him try and define his core values and also talk through some of the questions that Deb posed to use for helping us to write our statements. Shun`s values were family, service, laughter/fun and freedom.
We talked about what was important to us and also what we enjoyed most about 2011. Funnily enough we shared some of the same things as our “happy” moments and that was nice to find out. We decided that as a family we are best when we all together but away from distractions like computers/internet/phones and worst when we are tired. We talked about what would be our perfect day and are planning some more family days on the weekend days that I do not have work. Shun & I realized that we spend some much time on and with the kids that we also need to remember to carve out time for ourselves as a couple but find that we are both so exhausted a lot of the time that we prefer to do our own things when the boys are sleeping. We have made a deal to spend more time just the two of us a couple of times a week even if it is just watching a movie together, playing a card game or trying to get out and eat a meal together just the two of us.
We spoke a lot about how we want to raise the boys- what qualities we want to ensure they have and what sorts of things we want for them. In the end we came to the conclusion that what we really want to offer them is support and guidance but ultimately we want them to learn to make their own choices as well. We know that with the boys being so close in age that there might be a lot of competitiveness in their future and we need to work towards making sure that each of them knows that they are special no matter what and that it doesn`t matter if one of them is better at something over the other or vice versa. Each will develop their own talents and interests.
We spoke about our positive and negative qualities. I am very social, organized and take care good care of the family and house {and Shun learnt the word “clean freak”} but have a hot temper and can get annoyed easily. Shun is very easy-going, laid-back and relaxed but can be quite lazy and while he always enjoys himself if we do something as a family outside of the house it is sometimes hard to get him going and motivated.
While we had the boys in mind when we talked about things we could not include them in our conversations because of their ages. I hope we can do this exercise again in 3-4 years so that we can come up with another family mission statement that reflects the thoughts and desires of all four of us.
Family Mission Statement
Our family mission is to talk more, yell less, be positive, support each other, always make time for each other and have fun together. Our goal is to be happy as a whole and also to continue to grow as individuals, as a couple and as a family. We will be honest with each other and with ourselves. We will always try to put each other first and work together to find balance, tolerance, and respect for each other. We will acknowledge that we are each individuals with different things we can offer to each other, to our extended family and community.
We will focus on the good and not the bad and try to remember that when days go pear shaped that tomorrow is another day. A new day. We will be grateful for each other and for what we have.
Each day we will laugh, share experiences, love and grow.
I really wanted to write the mission statement up to print out but haven`t gotten to it yet. Does anyone know any good online programs that could do something like this for free? Where you could get the text image as a jpeg?
Most of our conversations were about this were in Japanese. We had to pull out the electronic dictionary on a couple of occasions which is something we have not needed to do much in recent years as Shun`s English got a bit better and my Japanese did also but it reminded us of when we first started dating and he spoke absolutely no English and my Japanese was limited the year or so I had been studying. We laughed about how we managed to communicate so well back then despite our language barriers and how far we have come!
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I am just a twenty something Aussie girl living in Chiba, Japan with my Japanese husband trying to make sense of the crazy Japanese world we live in! We welcomed our first son in December 2009 (Noah) and a second son in January 2011, 2 months premature (Shion). I am working hard at raising them to be confident, bilingual, happy kids!
Wow, I loved this post Lulu. It is great that you guys were able to identify all of these together as a couple and put them down on paper. I have been really interested in your home life simplified posts and I think I might just pick out the ones I really like and try and do them. This is one of them I want to try for sure!
Thanks Nooh. I am enjoying the challenge- sort of like things I know I should think about and acknowledge but have never gotten around to putting pen to paper {or hands to keyboard!}. Read the blog as the questions that she poses are great for helping get things started.
When we were talking Shun was less than impressed at first but he got into it as well in the end. I wrote the mission statement but he answered questions etc the night before and since I only finalized it this morning I will print a copy and give it to him to read through as well.
How DID you get Shun to do it?! Ben is serious more often than not, and we do communicate well about topics like parenting and such, but I just don’t know how to introduce this one to him without him rolling his eyes.
Well I don`t think Shun even knows what a mission statement is so I didn`t focus on that with him. I just said that I had some stuff I wanted to discuss and when he asked what for I said it was similar to last week when I was doing values. He was not so thrilled at first but got more into it.
We communicate okay on parenting stuff but to be honest most stuff is left up to me and he will just follow my lead. So it was good that we could talk about certain things.
Good luck doing it with Ben. Does he know you are doing the challenge?
I really love how your mission statement acknowledges and celebrates your differences. And talk more, yell less – YES!
Thanks Tam! Hahahaha…yes there is often too much yelling in this house. Mainly my own!
Sounds like you had a great conversation, and I love that you talked about your positives and negatives and when you’re best and worst as a family. Identifying what went right in 2011 really made me see when we were at our best, and I think when you figure that out, it’s good to make sure that whatever it is, it happens a lot more in 2012! Thanks for sharing, and thanks for stopping by my blog.
Thank you for also stopping by my blog. Yes- we are planning more and more family things outside of the house. We spend a lot of time together but we need some time together that is not the same old same old.
Hope your 2012 is filled with the things that made your 2011 great.
As a lover of fresh starts (and owner of a short fuse) i love your inclusion of tomorrow is a new day!
if you want to create a printable / jpg you can use picnik before it closes in April (that is how i made the values one) – you need a blank white image and then type your words and save as jpg.
Thanks Deb. I think when you have two small kids so close in age that you have to CONSTANTLY remind yourself that tomorrow is a new day. I know you can understand as your own girls are only about 1.5 years apart right?
Oh good idea- I didn`t think of picnik. I do have an old version of photoshop as well and Tam said she used that for her one so I will try both this week or over the weekend to see if I can come up with something I like.
Looking forward to tackling balance this week!
Forgot to add if you want a good book on sibling rivalry i suggest Faber & Mazlish’s book as full of excellent advice to read BEFORE the kids get too old http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/Siblings-without-Rivalry-Adele-Faber/9781853406300
I love the conversation you and Shun had. You have really created an amazing mission statement! I understand the yell yes, we seem to find ourselves yelling more and more these days!
Really loved your post. The cultural challenges are so interesting to read and so much is universal – more talk, less yelling is something I can relate to! I like that you specifically mention individual growth, couple and family. We alluded to that by saying ourselves, each other, together. But that is more what me when so might consider that when we review it at some point. I like what you say about couple time too – so easy to get sidelined when you have so little time anyway. Thanks for sharing.
it sounds as though you had some great conversations in your home this week – i loved that!
Lulu thanks for visiting my blog. I love your post for this weeks challenge. I think the main thing that I noticed is that you and your husband actually talked this through …at least he knew what his values are! I look forward to reading more…living in Japan must give you a different perspective on your life sometimes! Ax
Lulu, you guys really have come a long way and it’s so awesome to see you share similar values and have such a firm grasp on where you’d like to be as a family. Loved your statement. All-encompassing.
I like that you wrote tomorrow is another day. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that when you’re bogged down in the middle of a crappy day!
I really liked your statement. It had things that resonated with me. I’m still working on mine. I thought that it would be unhelpful to read other statements before finalising my own but I’m finding myself proved wrong. It’s actually been solidifying some of my own ideas. Only thing is some of those are so common with everyone else’s eg: love, respect, gratitude, etc.