This last week was filled with me raising my voice too much, not enough cuddles, not enough sorry`s from me, too many “If you don`t….then…” type threats, lots of “Get down NOW”, too much wine and way too many thoughts of me thinking I was completely losing my mind.It was definitely not my finest week of parenting.
Tomorrow however is the start of a new week- I will try harder because ultimately that is all I can do. I will do better than last week but I will also remember that I am not perfect that there will be times I will yell too much, times where the kids will go to bed or nap and I will breathe a sign of relief and times when my kids throw things at my head and I just lose it. Times when I need my own time out and times when I need to remind myself to breathe and breathe deep.
I am not the perfect mother but I am enough for my boys. Last week was not the best example of this but I know the calm, positive, funny,creative and fun mama I want to be is in there somewhere. I need to remember that I am the adult, their role model and that they are the children and still learning. I will remember that what they do most of the time is not a personal attack on me. They are testing boundaries and need me to redirect them.
I love my boys unconditionally. Yes they can get under my skin like NO ONE else can but nothing will change my love for them. They also love me unconditionally….which means that when I not the best of mothers that they will forgive me and that one day of me losing my mind is not going to turn them into terrible kids.
I read a lot of parenting blogs and articles. I see other mums doing things with their kids, and the way the write and think “Omg, I am failing my children” but I am not. I believe positive parenting works. I want to be that way- not just for my kids but for me as well. I will get there eventually- I will get back on track.
I think all I can do is strive to be a better mum and stop comparing myself to others. Nobody is perfect, especially not me, but I can and will do better but I will also remember that I am enough.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Edited to add: I decided after reflecting some more that this is the post I would link up for week 9 of the SYL12 challenge hosted at Home Life Simplified.
We were asked to reflect and see if there was anything in our lives where changing expectations/standards/approach could change our lives in some way. I think the post I wrote above shows, to a certain extent, that I am too hard on myself as a mother. Since writing this post we have had two nice days. We could still work on things more but I am not going to beat myself up because the boys had peanut butter sandwiches for lunch yesterday with some cheese and fruit {instead of something more nutritious} or that I let them entertain themselves for 30 minutes today while I hung out washing, checked my email and facebook and had a coffee.
I am enough for them because I am constantly trying to be a better mum- and ultimately that is all I can do. I basically said the rest above 
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I am just a twenty something Aussie girl living in Chiba, Japan with my Japanese husband trying to find my way in a country that is not my own! We welcomed our first son in December 2009 (Noah) and a second son {Shion} in January 2011- yes they are just over 12 months apart so life is a little insane with two toddlers underfoot. I am working hard at raising them to be curious, confident, bilingual and happy kids.
Amen.
Ditto.
&
Big hugs.
xxx
Well said.
This post is refreshingly honest.
Parenting truly is the hardest job. We all fail at it at times. I think ‘blogworld’ is also not a true reflection of the real.
Apart from this post, of course
Your honesty shows how good a parent you are.
You can have your down days, or weeks, but this is the deal, you are a mother now, it is something huge, something I could never have done, but you are the better mother for being honest about your feelings, because it keeps you real, it keeps you as something more than a mother. And a child is better off if their parent never loses who they were before becoming a parent. That’s what I think anyway.
Peanut butter sandwiches are a perfectly nutritious lunch… Peanuts have lots of protein, right?
I find that if I cut myself some slack on the little things, like giving the kids cheese on toast or fishfingers for dinner on the days they’ve had hot lunches at preschool, or deciding not to worry about the floor even though it could do with a mop, I feel more relaxed and happy and more inclined to read stories and play games with the kids. It’s the days when I want everything to be “perfect” – like when we have visitors coming and I want the house to look beautiful and to have freshly baked muffins etc – that I get grumpy and stressed and snap at the kids. It’s hard because I have perfectionist tendencies, but I’m trying to relax about the little things. I read an article online recently about the ” good enough” mother that was very interesting… I’ll try to find the link & email it xx
Sometimes being enough is just perfect! You sound like a very ‘normal’ Mum to me
Good luck getting the positives back, it gets tough sometimes but it is well worth it. I lost it this morning at my 3yo who thinks he now knows EVERYTHING!! testing little monkeys but the love is worth every second 
The real secret is there is no perfect mother – even the ones that seem “perfect” to us might not be at all.We all have our strengths that shine (in life and parenting) but expecting ourselves to shine in all areas seems to me unrealistic – so you may bake well and read to your kids daily, but not sew or play trains with the best of them etc.
Great post
Every day I’m trying to be a better version of myself. And that is enough. You are moving forward all the time, that is making you the best you can be. x