Sometimes I wonder where I am heading with my life.
I love my family. I love organizing things do with my kids, I love hanging out with friends and I like to have goals. Recently though I feel like I don`t know where I am heading except that I am a mum and wife. I want to do more. But I am not sure what I want to do. I am not good at thinking outside the box when it comes to myself.
I don`t have any big goals right now and I think that is also where I am struggling.
I am afraid of failing. But I am not even sure what I am afraid I am failing at.
I seem to have lost my creative passion. I can`t think of anything I have done recently that is creative. I haven`t even written much lately and I used to love to write…
In fact there are a lot of things I used to love that I just don`t seem to make time for anymore and I have no one to blame except myself here because my kids take naps and go to bed relatively early so I have time. I just don`t utilize it.
What do you do when you lose your way? Do you know what you are doing with your life and where it is heading?
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I am just a twenty something Aussie girl living in Chiba, Japan with my Japanese husband trying to find my way in a country that is not my own! We welcomed our first son in December 2009 (Noah) and a second son {Shion} in January 2011- yes they are just over 12 months apart so life is a little insane with two toddlers underfoot. I am working hard at raising them to be curious, confident, bilingual and happy kids.
Hello!
I think this is my first time posting here, but I hope you don’t mind.
I know exactly how you feel. To be honest I’ve been feeling like that for years and am still struggling to find a solution myself.
I’m somebody who works very hard to reach her goals, but I struggle to find a new goal I can work hard for.
Many years ago my goal was to move to Japan, become somewhat fluent in Japanese. I did.
After that I fell in a black hole, not knowing what I wanted to do next.
I have so many things I’m interested in, so many tiny things I want to do but never ever have the time. It’s very frustrating.
I have a few minor goals that I also will have achieved in the near future and I have no idea what to do after that.
It’s scary and frustrating.
I wish I could tell you what to do in a situation like that, but I struggle to find a solution myself.
For some reason I have the feeling that if I had more free time, I might be able to find out, but my full-time job (although I love it!) keeps me from doing all the things I’m interested in.
I think so many people fall into this kind of rut. Maybe it is Japanese summer that doesn`t help the situation for those of us based here- the humidity just sucks the life out of you?
I think I need to revisit my goals/aspirations and then break them down again.
I actually have quite a bit of free time when my kids sleep but I so easily fall into the trap of hanging out online, watching TV or doing chores.
I guess i could refocus on my Japanese? I could do with a refresher, especially in kanji!
For me, I am quite happy to be working… I worked full time afer I had the Sprog who is now 4 and Harrie is almost 1 and I am just looking at going back to work now. I don’t have huge personal goals, however, except to travel. I am always saving money and planning the next trip. As a rule we generally go back to Brisbane every Christmas but besides that we take a big trip elsewhere every couple of years. Last big trip was to Japan in 2010… we have had some small SE Asia trips (they are only small when you are travelling from Darwin or now, Dili) so they don’t really count. I really want our next big trip to be to America and Canada… Hopefully around this time next year… A trip always gives me something to look forward to and something to save my pennies for (especially useful when I need to talk myself out of some stupid purchase that I totally don’t need). So I don’t know if that’s a ‘goal’ per se… but for me having a trip to look forward to really gives me purpose, excitement and something to aim for.
I LOVE to travel. Living overseas though {and like you too I guess, away from your home city} with only one full-time salary makes it hard to do more than just trips home. A trip somewhere else would be so nice though!
I really hope to take a family holiday sometime with in the next year especially since we are not going to Australia this Christmas. Planning a trip would be nice!!
I admire your dedication to saving money for big trips like that! Our finances are still a bit of a mess but we are slowing sorting them out!
This post really struck a chord with me. Thanks Laura!
I’m not sure that your goals need to be mutually exclusive. Perhaps it is your role as a mum that inspires you. Needless to say I am always impressed with what you role out for them to do.
I have always known that I like listening to people. I like to think that each person has something inspirational to share or a story to tell. So with this in mind, I like to think that if you do what you love, the good life will organically find you. Good luck in the search – half the fun is in the act of finding it as they say.
Being a mum does inspire me. I love doing things with my kids in mind but it is also very easily to fall into the mummy guilts too!
I love what you wrote at the end about doing what you love then the good life will find you. I hope that is the case for us both!
I am living my dream; to be a stay at home Mother, but I know one day I will face the quandry you are in now. I hope to go back to work when the last of my kids starts school. I had a super dream job (Social Media and Internet Marketing Manager for an IT recruitment company) before quitting to be a full time Mom, I really loved it, but the problem is I will probably have to re-train to get as good an outside-the-home job again. (Although I actually worked from home!!) But this is were I want to be right now so I’ll worry about that when it’s time to worry about that.
However, the way your describing losing your creative passion and not writing… sounds like me for the first few months of pregnancy!! Not saying your pregnant, but sometimes for hormonal or other reasons we go through phases were we lose ourselves for a while. I hope you get your mojo back soon!!
Thanks Elle! I enjoy being a stay at home mum although, and I am sure many can agree, that it can be a bit lonesome when they are this young and also a bit mundane. It is also hard to figure out how to be “better” at it…if that makes sense.
Your job sounds like it was fab! I could understand that with the way the internet moves and social media moves though that you would have to possibly retrain. The good thing is though that kind of training would be available online!!!!
I loved my job {the last one I had in Japan at least} but I would feel a little funny now about going back to being a kindy teacher by putting my kids into care. Maybe when they start elementary school! I also do like the freedom of the teaching I do now because it is easy to fit around my kids, the money is good for what I do and it is something I will ALWAYS be able to do here in Japan. I miss teaching younger kids but I guess that is what I do with my own kinds now.
Definitely not pregnant. Don`t jinx me woman!!!!!!! We thought about having a 3rd bub but I think it is pretty much completely off the table now for different reasons {mainly financial based on what we want to be able to give the two children we have in terms of education/trips to Australia} – that said I know I could love a 3rd child just as much as I love my two- just would make things just that little bit more difficult.
Never say never!! But I won’t go on in case I do jinx you!!!
I hear you!! Especially once my study fell through. For me, this is where my quilting comes in. And pursuing that. Literally just the last few days I had a Realisation. With a capital R. I am a stay-at-home mum and will be for at least the next 3-4 years. Sure I have some part-time work and hope to get some more (leads being followed up now in fact) but for the most part, I am at home and need to fill my time with something productive. I Realised that I need to give myself permission to quilt and pursue it – design patterns, sell them, get published, etc. I have this “free time” that I may as well use productively and make some achievements I’m proud of.
Give yourself permission to try. Something, anything. Decide to pick up a hobby an run with it. I can teach you to quilt of you like
I hope I get a REALIZATION soon! Your quilting is gorgeous. I have only ever made basic baby
{pushed enter too soon} basic baby quilts and my sewing is a little bit abysmal to be honest but I can sew. Not that I have done ANY lately.
I get sucked into the internet/computer/sitting thing all too quickly.
I also feel that once I start going for a goal/idea that I am all gung ho for all of 5 minutes and then lose my motivation completely. I am not sure what it is that I really want which makes it hard.
Who knows though, your quilting might take you somewhere fabulous- away from the direction you were originally heading in- and you will end up somewhere even greater than originally planned.
You are already on a once in a lifetime adventure with your family. I am sure that you will gain lots of inspiration from your years away from Australia!
I totally know the feeling- the loss of creative passion, wondering where i’m headed in my life..
My life had just gotten so mundane recently, that I worked out a bit of a plan to have things changed up by next year and for now that’s keeping me going. I can’t think ahead of that though, because then I’m still back at the, “Well where is my life headed after *that*?” mindset..
For me, goals for the short-term work best, that way I have a bit more flexibility to change things along the way and kinda roll with the punches.
As for doing more creative things/things I used to love doing, I’ve found that ‘scheduling them in’ tends to help, and also limiting my idle time (I tend to just want to veg out on the computer or in front of the TV when I get home from work/on the weekends). :p But having a loose schedule and trying not to cram it too full of things I want to do or get done helps things along for me.
I hope you can find something that works for you, and can find a bit of direction for where you want your life to go! I’ll be trying my best too.
I have way too much idle time!!!! I rely on the idle time to refresh after spending time with my kids though and I use the idle time to research things for them and keep in contact with friends in English {which is important for my sanity} but I definitely need to spend less time in FRONT of the computer.
I hope we can both find the direction we want to head in! I hope your plans for next year work out.
I think that it is hard to know where my life is heading while my kids are still so small- my focus should be on them and until they get to school really that is where my main focus should stay. I think it is the not knowing what will happen AFTER that though which is hard for me as I am a bit of a planner
I have no clue…..
All I know is that somehow I have to pull myself together to be a single mom in Japan, do something I enjoy that puts food on the table (and money in the bank), and still have fun.
We are still so young!
Lots of time to make plans and lots of times to make mistakes too
I feel like I should be finding “the thing I want to do” as well… but there is so much out there that I feel like I can’t decide. I don’t have any concrete advice for you, but you are very creative and have a lot of great ideas.
S, I had no idea you still even READ my blog! I feel special.
I think you are right in that there is lots of time to make plans and stuff. But I am so damn impatient. As you know!!
I know
Yah I still read blogs…. commenting.. well…. I only reserve it for special occasions.
Why not make a list of everything you are interested in doing and then seeing what is in the realm of possibility now or in the future.
If you don’t start taking even baby steps towards a dream you’ll never accomplish what you set out to do? Figuring out where you want to direct your energy might be helpful!
I just want to say that I understand, sometimes just getting through the day, figuring out the little things, takes so much time that it’s hard to take a look at the big picture. When the kids are a bit bigger I hope you have more time for yourself to think. It’s no coincidence my kids were no longer toddlers when I started my blog!
STOP right there Misses!! I need to remind you of a few cold hard facts.
You have just designed and built a house, decorated it, arranged amazing play spaces for your children to learn, explore and grow and you create activities that leave me in awe of your mad parenting skills.
Give yourself a bit of a break babe. Take some time to be idle for a moment. Watch crap TV or surf on the net. But give this an endpoint so you don’t let this become your new normal.
Then when you have rested your body and mind, then look at what you are passionate about. Don’t just jump into something as you are feeling listless. Remind yourself that this is a break from the huge accomplishments that you have just completed and it is a regrouping time and FAR from a failure.
Use the internet to spark the creativity and then it will fall into place.
But sitting around thinking that you should be doing something (when really you don’t) just makes you feel unnecessary guilt.
But if you really want something to do, come over to my house and sort out my clutter.