Cherry Blossom Adventures

In an effort to improve on my writing I have decided to sign up for Encyclopedia of me which started over at Bella Dia (and which I found out about by reading Laura`s blog here...)

Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post (and the posts before that in the `Encyclopedia of me`)

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F is for future…If you had asked me ten years ago or even five years ago if I thought the life I am living now is what I would of being living I probably would of laughed and said no way! But life takes you in strange directions, some stranger than others (like half way around the world)…

I handed in my notice at work today…I will finish up on April 11th. By then I will have worked at my current preschool for almost 18 months….I love the kids, I really do, but several months ago I mentioned how lately my job had been making me feel like I would be a terrible mother. And with all the stuff going on back home I didn`t need the added stress of that, and under-staffing issues that my job has being causing me lately. After speaking with the owner, and after having finalized my decision with Shumpei and my family I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders..

I am ready for the next step of my life. Which will be me returning to Australia in May spending time with my family, helping Shumpei learn English when he arrives in July (and also teaching him more about my `Australian life`)and taking a year to do some temp work, see if I find a job or industry I like….Also,  planning a wedding and saving money to move back to Tokyo as a married couple….

I am hoping that somewhere in all this I will be able to cross a few things off my life list…..Something I plan to focus on a lot more over the next year.

Sometimes future is a scary word….mainly because people rarely have any idea what is going to happen….I have a little bit of and idea what the next six months will entail at least, and for after that we will have to see!!! While future is a scary work, it is also a word that brings to mind new experiences, closure and excitement…all things I am ready for!

Here is to my future(our future!)…and to yours!

ps: I love ps`s…sorry this is not a very long post for the enc of me, but I am lacking blogging inspiration today!

Popularity: 39% [?]

In an effort to improve on my writing I have decided to sign up for Encyclopedia of me which started over at Bella Dia (and which I found out about by reading Laura`s blog here...) Today`s post is a little delayed…I have published D is for.. and E is for… before C is for Cancer…

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I think almost  everyone has had someone close to them affected by cancer…This disease sometimes seems as if it is taking over the world. In my life, several family members, friends, parents of friends have had cancer…It is a horrible disease.

When I was fifteen my father was diagnosed with  lymphoma, stage four. It was one of the biggest shocks of my life. We grow up thinking our parents are invincible and when something threatens that our lives feel like they are falling apart.

I remember that I didn`t know how to tell my friends at school that it was happening. I had told one or two of my friends but didn`t know how to tell them all….It is such a hard thing to stand up and announce without breaking down, or crying…especially when you are fifteen and an emotional mess. I wrote them a letter…and when I gave it to them I apoligised for not been able to say what was inside.

It took a year for  him to have chemo, a stem-cell transplant and go into remission. Since 2001 he has been in remission until now. Then a month ago they found cancer cells, in a routine check-up. My father has had other health problems over the last couple of years and we were waiting for test results on another check when these results came in. It was the last thing we expected…after a stem-cell transplant, for the same cancer to come back is a rarity….one we thought we had bypassed…

I am so far away from my family…I can`t zip home for the weekend or for dinner once a week…I can`t be there to help my dad. or my family. This is not the only thing I haven`t been around for, in the last couple of years a lot of stuff has happened, stuff that I can`t go into on a blog that is as open as this one, stuff that I can`t control. But that still makes me upset that I am not there for my mum or my dad or little brother….

Shumpei and I had decided to go back to Australia in July, part of this was so that he could learn English and get to know my family and part of it was because I wanted to, needed to, be around my family…and then this happened. So I know we have made the right choice. I have decided I will be returning to Australia a little earlier than planned…in mid-May…I will be finishing up work in April….As I mentioned on here a week or so ago, I have a stomach ulcer which they say is caused by stress….I have had a lot of stress recently with all this going  on back in Australia and also with work….So I am going home a little earlier, even though it means Shun and I will be apart for about 6 weeks to two months. We have done long-distance before and we both think it would be a good idea for me to spend time with my family alone before he follows me over.

Nothing has been decided with my fathers Cancer at this stage…It is stage one and the lumps are not even big enough to be felt…We are waiting for other test results, and at this stage it is definitely not as serious or as advanced as it was seven years ago…A decision will be made about treatment in the next month or so. You may wonder why no treatment has been decided as of yet but there are other test results and tests that needed to be conducted before anything can be decided….

Cancer is a horrible disease and it is affecting so many people…people we love and care about, people we admire….I can not believe it is affecting my family yet again….

Popularity: 27% [?]

In an effort to improve on my writing I have decided to sign up for Encyclopedia of me which started over at Bella Dia (and which I found out about by reading Laura`s blog here...)C is for… will not be posted for a couple of weeks although it has already been written…

This is technically my fifth post…(Although I just realized this is also my 250th post on Cherry Blossom Adventures)

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Have you ever had a year where you could consider it the best one of your life? March 2004-Feb 2005 was like that for me. I have no way of knowing if it will be the best year of my life for the rest of my life but for now it is definitely number one.

I came to Japan for the first time ever in March 2004…I had studied Japanese in my first year of university….but my Japanese was considered basic at the most….I had applied to go on exchange and was accepted based on my grades…I turned 19 just before I arrived in Japan. The first few months my Japanese didn`t improve at all and I struggled but once I got into the swing of things I never wanted to leave… (For those of you who every wondered…I only studied Japanese 8 months before coming here and could barely say my name and where I was from when I first arrived here…so when I say basic I mean BASIC)

It was my first time living away from my family and I consider it to be the year I grew up a lot also… I have so many wonderful memories of that year…It truly was the best year ever. We all wish (meaning those of us that were on exchange together) that we could go back to living in the Seikei University Kaikan (International dorm)…there was always something happening, always people around and so many life long memories formed!

I had so many great experiences and formed many great, lasting friendships…(and relationships…Shun!).

Seeing my first cherry blossoms, trips to Osaka, Kyoto, Hiroshima and beyond, izakaya experiences, summer fireworks and yukata, my first view of snow, my first attempts at snowboarding, reggae bands and clubs, Fuji Kyu Highland and Disneyland, meeting Shumpei at a house party and then having to say goodbye a month later…

I made a slideshow of photos, which describes my year a lot better than I can put into words!(You will need Macromedia Flash Player to view it…oh and the photos do have some weird names like tobesorted 472…because I am lazy and have never gone through and named them all)

I had to go through over 5000 photos last night to choose some to put in the slide…I hadn`t seen some of those photos in over a year and it was a good chance to look through them and reminisce about that year. Anyone that gets a chance to go overseas, and experience another culture and step out of their usual surroundings should jump at the chance…If you could go for more than a holiday, even better! If it is something you have thought about doing and put on the back burner for now well pull the idea out and play with it a little bit….what have you got to lose?

Going on exchange changed my life…If you had asked me 5 years ago when I had finished highschool if I had thought this is where I would be today I would have answered with a `No way`…It is funny what can happen in a short amount of time…I never thought I would be living in Japan at 22, or planning to get married to a Japanese boy and live in Japan…I never even thought that I would be a kindergarten teacher. Coming to Japan on exchange in 2004, changed the path of my life that I thought I would follow.

Do I have any regrets? No, now, I couldn`t imagine my life any other way!

Popularity: 16% [?]

In an effort to improve on my writing I have decided to sign up for Encyclopedia of me which started over at Bella Dia (and which I found out about by reading Laura`s blog here...)

C is for… will not be posted for a couple of weeks although it has already been written…Technically this is the forth post in the Encyclopedia of me…

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I have suffered from depression since my early teens although I wasn`t diagnosed until I was 16 and that is also when I started on medication. It runs in my family and it is one of my greatest fears that I will pass whatever it is that causes it on to my children….because there is nothing worse than the feeling of knowing that to feel happy (notice I didn`t say be happy) you need to take a couple of little pills everyday to accomplish it.

When I take my medication I am fine. Sure I may have sad times but they are normal…..it is not like I cry every 10 minutes, can`t get out of bed, can`t make decisions and can`t function. However, that is what happens when I don`t take my medication. As much as I would love to go off the medication, I have tried to go off it and I don`t mean to be morbid but I imagined running my car off the road into a tree just so that I could stop my mind from spinning around and around in circles….It was not so much that I wanted to die as much that I just wanted my mind to stop. Not to mention the dreams….It is funny I don`t really remember what I dreamed about when I was younger and before I was on medication, but now if I don`t take the medication I have the strangest and most horrible dreams and nightmares. Which impacts on my sleep which leaves me lying awake thinking too much…Everyone has nights where they can`t shut their minds off…..I still have them….but imagine if you could never do it…..That is what it is like (for me anyway)…and decision making? Well my decision making skills go out the window…it is hard for me to even decide simple things like what I want to eat or do…

When I was diagnosed it was hoped that because I was still young that perhaps it was something I would grow out of. I now know that it is something I will more than likely always suffer from. While I still have days where I think`This sucks, if I don`t take those pills I am sure I will be fine` I do….but the feeling of dread that overwhelms me when I am off medication is enough to make me never want to stop taking them again.

This post is not only about my dealings with depression but it also has a lot to do with people` s reactions and comments to those who suffer from depression or an anxiety disorder….As much as people want to help those that suffer from depression…to help them `snap out of it` it isn`t as easy as that. It is not something that you can just snap out of…mild depression that lasts a week then goes away, then maybe, trying to help someone snap out of it will work, but if they are depressed all the time…..happy one minute then crying the next then nothing you say is going to make them feel better….especially if you say things like `What do you have to be depressed about?`…..it is not something that you can just control by yourself. The amount of times I have been told that I `seem so happy`, and `why would you need drugs?` is amazing…I don`t get asked why I take ventolin when I have an asthma attack so it kind of gets on my nerves when I hear the same thing all the time.

I don`t go around broadcasting that fact that I have depression to everyone….I am more open about it in Australia than I am here in Japan although my closest (foreign) friends know and of course Shun does too. Shun really doesn`t understand a lot about it, and has a very Japanese mentality about it….considering that at the moment there are only 3 SSRI`s (anti depressants/anti anxiety drugs) on the market here give you a bit of an idea about how the Japanese government and health system view depression. It is not that I am trying to hide it, more that I just get sick of people asking me `why?`…as in why am i depressed….the truth is I am not…well I am not if I take my medication. Shun calls them my `ureshii kusuri` happy medicine….and the way I see it…I suffer from asthma and migraines and I take medication for them. The medication for my depression is exactly the same…..I take them to help fix the chemical imbalance in my brain….Sure, I wish I didn`t have that chemical imbalance but hey that`s life.

I also want to say I have looked into herbal options before…St John`s Wort etc….I spoke to my doctor in Australia about it and she said to combat the kind of depression I have I would need to take a bottle of them a day….and even then It probably wouldn`t help. It was a little disheartening. I was also very concerned about what I would do once I wanted to start a family…..I have been on the same medication since I was 16, I have been very lucky that I found something that suited me right off the bat. The dose has gone up and down over the years but I have never had any severe side affects and it has worked well for me. When I was in Australia recently I spoke my doctor about my medication and pregnancy and was informed that I could try and go off it and see how I go (Since pregnancy changes your hormones and chemicals I might be able to handle been off medication for the period of pregnancy) although she didn`t recommend it. Instead we decided that when I am in Australia later this year for a longer period that I will change to another medication that is seen as safer to take while pregnant (Even though babies are far off in the horizon at the moment) and get used to it while I am in Australia where I can be monitored by my doctor as to whether it works for me or not.

If you think you may suffer from depression or an anxiety disorder you should speak to your doctor….they may not even advise medication, they may advise counselling (This is why I journal….my own form of counselling) or therapy. If you think you know someone that suffers from depression then all you can do is be there for them….keep your opinions about `trying to snap out of it` to yourself and give them a hug. Listen to them, and don`t judge.

Some people might not agree with me on my opinions about helping those with depression. Others may think my ideas about medication are silly…but these are my thoughts and I am not trying to pass myself off as someone that knows what can help those with depression…I don`t….I know what helps me and if you know someone that has depression , or suffer from it yourself, then maybe, just maybe, my thoughts on it may help you with your own battle or with helping someone close to you.

Popularity: 49% [?]

In an effort to improve on my writing I have decided to sign up for Encyclopedia of me which started over at Bella Dia (and which I found out about by reading Laura`s blog here...) Most people completed it last year but I have decided to start it now…..I won`t post everyday A-Z but I will do it over the next couple of months (possibly with some other posts thrown in for good measure!)

This is post number 2…post number 1 is here

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B is for beliefs

I think what we each believe is a very important people of who we are…and not just our religious beliefs but also our customs and thoughts on life tie us to our own identity.

I was baptised as a Catholic when I was a baby…I grew up going to Catholic schools, going to church occasionally, midnight mass a couple of times and giving up candy for lent. Both my parents grew up Catholic (My dad is one of nine!!!)…They never tried to force religion on either myself or my brother….we were able to make our own decisions.

Each night we had prayer time with my dad, who almost always put us to bed (This continued until I was at least 9 or 10, and started staying up later than my dad so he could no longer put us to bed)… We would recite the following two prayers

“I see the moon, the moon sees me. god bless the moon and god bless me”

“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take”

Except my father changed the words `die` to `get sick` ….Prayer time, to me, was a lot more about the songs we sang and music we learnt. I could sing songs from the 60`s before I could recite nursery rhymes! If I have kids I would like to continue something like this with them…obviously I would encourage them to learn Japanese songs as well, although Shumpei would have to take care of that because my singing in Japanese is atrocious!

Heaven is also something I believe in…and while I am not exactly sure what it is but I do believe it would be just like care bears. Growing up I was told heaven could be anything I wanted it to be and I thought it would be like care bears…playing in the clouds. I am pretty sure that anybody that I know who has died will also be there. I think even if you are not practising in the religion your were raised that certain things always stay with you…..like for example, if I had children I think I would like to baptize them and have discussed this with Shumpei before. I have a god-son, and he is eight now, and I still remember holding him at his baptism when I was 14. It was such an honour.

Like I said though, I don`t think beliefs are all about religion. One thing I truly believe in is that you should treat people the way you wish to be treated. I do not have time for people that are liars, selfish or hypocritical, even though I know I have shown signs of these traits at least once or twice!

Due to my relationship with someone that is Japanese, there are certain things I have incorporated into my own life. One of those things is `aisatsu` or Japanese greetings or things that are said often. For example before we eat we always say itadakimasu and gochisousamadesu at the end of the meal. We say Ittekimasu when we are leaving and tadaima when we come home and ittarashai to those leaving and okaeri to those coming back. All the kids at school do this also, even though it is an international school and there are also foreign students. It is the only Japanese we use often inside the classroom….It would feel too strange not to say `aisastsu`.

We always take our shoes off when we go inside the apartment ( I haven`t gone as far that I have separate slippers in the bathroom although I think eventually I will need to do this)

One other thing that I have noticed that I do is when Shumpei and I go to a shrine and throw our 10yen coins into the osaisenbako and pray/ say what we want I always repeat in my head my wish/prayer in English the in Japanese…because I want to make sure I cover all bases. Would hate to find out after I die that who ever had been listening hadn`t understood English (and or Japanese).

I am sure once we are married and have children that the beliefs we have will evolve and combine to be a mix of what is important to both of us. Christmas for example, while not celebrated here in the same way it is back home, will be an important part of our beliefs and I have already spoken to Shumpei about always taking Christmas morning off work because it is not a public holiday here. New Years, I am sure would be come a very family orientated holiday, similar to how it is here in Japan. There are a lot of Japanese customs that I want to make sure our children know about because I would hate for them to ignore their cultural background. Just as I would teach them that Australia day is for a BBQ and knocking back a few beers….

This post has not turned out how I wanted it to. I had a completely different idea of how this would sound in my head and it hasn`t come out right but it will have to do for now…

What do you believe in? What would you teach your children?

Stay tuned for C is for…..

Popularity: 18% [?]

In an effort to improve on my writing I have decided to sign up for Encyclopedia of me which started over at Bella Dia (and which I found out about by reading Laura`s blog here...) Most people completed it last year but I have decided to start it now…..I won`t post everyday A-Z but I will do it over the next couple of months (possibly with some other posts thrown in for good measure!). The aim is to do write a post A is for…. B is for…. about yourself.

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A is for Ashley…

I was born on the morning of the 18th of February 1985…The first child for my parents who were both 32 at the time. I don`t know a lot about my birth story at all except that my mother didn`t have an epidural and that the labor had started early morning….I don`t know any more because I have never really asked.

My parents had not decided on a name before birth (to my knowledge at least) and while mum liked the name Ashley my father was worried that because it was a boys name also that I would get teased as I got older…So they decided on Laura Ashley (Yes my parents were high when they named me I am sure…..because while sure, I didn`t get teased for the name Ashley…instead I got teased because I had the same name as designer wallpaper)

They chose Laura because it couldn`t be shortened or turned into a nickname My mum is Katherine and despised Kathy, Kath, Katie etc…Several months after my birth my uncle nicknamed me Lulu (after a character in an advertisement or TV show that popped up everwhere) . I have been Lulu every since despite my parents despise of nicknames…. I guess I should consider myself lucky because my brother got stuck with the nickname boof head due to his giant size as a baby and toddler!

Laura Ashley…

A little older…

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