{Source}

This week {and I am a little late to post} we had to fill in the wheel of life chart to see where our time and energy is currently spent and what areas, if we want them to, need more time and energy and focus.

My categories were

Home & finances {basically the “housewife” component”}

Health, body & beauty {included fitness}

Family {no brainer}

Self development & mental well-being {Comes back to one of my core values being growth and also balance. A balanced Lulu = mental well being }

Fun {Family togetherness, social occasions, letting loose, laughter & smiles}

Creativity {Includes all forms including writing}

Work & career {more the development of something than what I already do}

Relationships {With husband & friends}

Deb pointed out that nothing can be all 5`s or even all 4`s. In fact I only got one 4 and the rest were 3`s, 2`s & 1`s with most things coming up at 2 or 1.

I was not at all surprised to see that my family got the highest rating in terms of my time & energy although I often feel like I am letting them down trying to balance everything else or that because I devote so much time to them {mainly Noah & Shion} that I am drained thinking about all the other things I need to do and get done as well that instead of doing them when the boys are asleep I waste time net surfing or chilling in front of some American Idol {I know, i know!!!} and get even more stressed so I think I need to carve out time each day to focus a little more on some other aspects of my life without letting the QUALITY of time with the kids or things I do for my family suff

Relationships and fun got a 3. One thing that Shun & I need to work on is our relationship instead of just focusing on the kids or our own time. We need to find balance there and have time with each other unrelated to the kids or household tasks/disussions {ie, finances etc}. We are trying to make more time for each other and also time for fun things to do altogether like day trips, fun for the kids, outside time etc. Recently I have felt that some of my friendships- those that were around before I was a mother {or wife for that matter} were fading fast. I know that this is normal when your life changes so drastically like by getting married, having kids {and soon to take on a mortgage. Not to mention living on one salary}. I have tried to make more of an effort here but perhaps it is time to let go somewhat of some things from my life “before”. Sad to see things there change and maybe they won`t be changed forever and where possible I will still try to work on these relationships but there is only so much I can do.

I am a pretty social person  and I like to get out and about although it has gotten harder now that both kids need to eat and both are very very mobile! Lunch dates or coffee dates out are hard and usually cause a lot of stress for me to be honest. I much prefer having people come over and hang out here or me going to their house to hang out there- less cost, less stress & more fun. Of course this is when the kids are involved!

In the last couple of months I have started to have some time for myself away from the kids- not just work- but the occasional shopping trip, in December I saw a movie with a friend, and I am going out in a couple of weeks for a night out. These things all help me recharge my {mama} batteries and are important for my mental health as well.

Home & finances, creativity and work & career all received 2s. I honestly walk around my house most days and think it is disgusting. Perhaps by some peoples standards it is fine but by my own it is pretty bad. I am hoping that with moving into our new place, putting new routines in place and getting a better handle on things that this will get better. I will try to ensure everything has a home and I will declutter things further as I get ready to move. We are about to take on a mortgage as well and to be honest our finances are a bit of a mess. I also have a long list of things to do that are home/finance related that I just never get to {life insurance, extra health cover, savings account for Shion {Noah`s is set up already}, automatic transfers} because I have put them in the too hard basket.

Creativity & career got low scores because now that I am a mother and I want to stay home  with the kids they are low on the radar I guess. I am not sure where I am going with these right now.

Health, body & beauty and self-development & mental well-being got 1s. I grouped them like this for my own personal reasons although I guess mental well-being could of come under health. Health & beauty wise I am a bit of a mess but imagine that many mama`s feel that way! I also feel like I am not using my brain NEARLY enough lately and this needs more focus. I think getting on top of some other things in my life would help me feel more accomplished and thus fuel for more self-development.

I am happy with where family & fun are in my life right now. I do think my relationships could use a bit of work {especially with hub!} but ultimately I want to get home & finances and self-development & mental well-being up a bit higher. I think in order to do this I need to leave creativity & career on the back burner a bit longer- this doesn`t mean I won`t get to them eventually {although I might never get to focus on them much again}. I know that health, body & beauty SHOULD be higher on my list. I do. But to be honest I know that even if I say I want to focus on them they will be the first thing to go on the backburner {again} so I am not going to push myself towards that just now. I will continue to try and eat better, drink more water and exercise when I feel the push or perhaps try and combine in into something else like fun {family day out at the beach could class as exercise right? Plus a little sun is good for you, right?}

Week 5 is catch your breath week for the challenge. I am going to use the time to remind myself {as the quote at the top says} that I can do anything but not everything! I will start working towards finding more balance in my life. I will write lists and actually start crossing things OFF THE LISTS. Things like making a poster with our family mission statement on it and printing it out so that I can see it everyday. But also I am going to go back to my values, and wheel of life above and start doing the big rocks first which Deb talked about on her blog today {click link to see the video}. The premise is simple and not something that we don`t already know but it is a matter of actually doing the big things first before letting the smaller, less significant things bog us down.

It is 7 or so weeks til I head to Australia and less than 12 weeks until we move into the new house. I have lots to do between now and then! This week I will start dumping stuff we do not need at the new house! Declutter time baby!

Then I realize that quite a lot happened in January- lots of positive things and perhaps I should focus on those for a bit.

• Seeing Shion turn 1 {Definitely top of the list!}
• Family visit to the shrine  on New Year`s Day and enjoying new years break together as a family.
• Starting the SYL12 challenge- looking forward to simplifying further and determining goals.
• Finding more work and also some work to do from home {editing}
• Booking tickets to Australia
• Having it snow and watching Noah play in it and then Shion play in it a little bit a couple of days after.
• Birthday parties for 2 very good friends children.
• Getting some exercise in
• Noah`s speech and communication getting better {and adding a couple of Japanese words to his vocab as well as it has made Shun really happy! Ohayou, ooishii, hai, ne ne {for getting attention not as in sleep}}
• Storytime with the boys
• Getting a couple of things crossed off the to do list.
• Chiba Peanuts Multicultural Playgroup, play dates with friends {great for mama recharge and also for the kids!}, and a visit out to Fuchu to visit friends.
• Good coffee and good wine on a couple different occasions!
• Great chats with Shun.
• One night where Shion woke up only once overnight at about midnight then slept in his own bed til 7am. Best sleep for all in awhile!

For week three of the SYL12 challenge we had to make a family mission statement. I thought about doing two- one for me and one for our family as ultimately I am writing them but for now I have only written one for our family. My personal core values were love, growth. authenticity, happiness and balance and I spent the week talking with Shun to help him try and define his core values and also talk through some of the questions that Deb posed to use for helping us to write our statements. Shun`s values were family, service, laughter/fun and freedom.

We talked about what was important to us and also what we enjoyed most about 2011. Funnily enough we shared some of the same things as our “happy” moments and that was nice to find out. We decided that as a family we are best when we all together but away from distractions like computers/internet/phones and worst when we are tired. We talked about what would be our perfect day and are planning some more family days on the weekend days that I do not have work. Shun & I realized that we spend some much time on and with the kids that we also need to remember to carve out time for ourselves as a couple but find that we are both so exhausted a lot of the time that we prefer to do our own things when the boys are sleeping. We have made a deal to spend more time just the two of us a couple of times a week even if it is just watching a movie together, playing a card game or trying to get out and eat a meal together just the two of us.

We spoke a lot about how we want to raise the boys- what qualities we want to ensure they have and what sorts of things we want for them. In the end we came to the conclusion that what we really want to offer them is support and guidance but ultimately we want them to learn to make their own choices as well. We know that with the boys being so close in age that there might be a lot of competitiveness in their future and we need to work towards making sure that each of them knows that they are special no matter what and that it doesn`t matter if one of them is better at something over the other or vice versa. Each will develop their own talents and interests.

We spoke about our positive and negative qualities. I am very social, organized and take care good care of the family and house {and Shun learnt the word “clean freak”} but have a hot temper and can get annoyed easily. Shun is very easy-going, laid-back and relaxed but can be quite lazy and while he always enjoys himself if we do something as a family outside of the house it is sometimes hard to get him going and motivated.

While we had the boys in mind when we talked about things we could not include them in our conversations because of their ages. I hope we can do this exercise again in 3-4 years so that we can come up with another family mission statement that reflects the thoughts and desires of all four of us.

Family Mission Statement

Our family mission is to talk more, yell less, be positive, support each other, always make time for each other and have fun together. Our goal is to be happy as a whole and also to continue to grow as individuals, as a couple and as a family. We will be honest with each other and with ourselves. We will always try to put each other first and work together to find balance, tolerance, and respect for each other.  We will acknowledge that we are each individuals with different things we can offer to each other, to our extended family and community.

We will focus on the good and not the bad and try to remember that when days go pear shaped that tomorrow is another day. A new day. We will be grateful for each other and for what we have.

Each day we will laugh, share experiences, love and grow.

I really wanted to write the mission statement up to print out but haven`t gotten to it yet. Does anyone know any good online programs that could do something like this for free? Where you could get the text image as a jpeg?

Most of our conversations were about this were in Japanese. We had to pull out the electronic dictionary on a couple of occasions which is something we have not needed to do much in recent years as Shun`s English got a bit better and my Japanese did also but it reminded us of when we first started dating and he spoke absolutely no English and my Japanese was limited the year or so I had been studying. We laughed about how we managed to communicate so well back then despite our language barriers and how far we have come!

2012 was going to be my year to get organized, spend my time better {my kids sleeping time I mean mostly}, exercise and just be better.

Do you think I am succeeding? Nope. Definitely not yet. Good thing there is another 11.25 months to go.

It is almost midnight and Shun is not home from work yet. I did think he would be late tonight because he took part of the morning off work to come with me for another follow up for Noah`s speech. Although that follow-up update will have to wait for another day because I still have to check with Shun that I was understanding what the lady was saying {and I am pretty sure I was…basically…if we want to put Noah on the waiting list for the speech communication group classes he could be eligible for then they would prefer we changed our home language to Japanese. This is not going to happen. At least not from me}

Sometimes it depresses me that Shun gets home so late although tonight is pretty late even for him {at least lately}. At least tomorrow is the weekend and it is supposed to be a pretty quiet one so that is a bonus. Most nights I don`t really notice he is not home- and the kids and I have our own routine down so while their may be the occasional yelling {ahem!} because Noah is refusing to come to the shower even though I am already undressed and so is Shion which means chasing him around trying to catch him while Shion is trying to climb into the shower…or up the little stool to see into the sink or cursing because I have stepped on more rice before managing to clean it off the floor- yes despite those things we still get everything done and the boys get into bed by 7:30pm at the latest most nights.

Last weekend {15th} marked seven years of us being together {Shun & I} and this May will mark six years of us living together. When I said to Shun on Sunday that it had been seven years he said “That is more than 1/4 of your life”…..hadn`t thought about it like that before!

I had a bunch of goals for this year….remember? Well I am tracking our money again- but no luck reducing our food bill. Yet. I am blogging a LITTLE bit more often than I was in December at least and I have already found extra work hours. Have 15 hours a month from next month although 2 hours of that will only be until April. Still the goal was 10 hours a month and I should be able to keep the new jobs I have picked up for awhile. One lot I received from a friend who is moving further away- 2 x 2 hour conversation classes with a bunch of retirees. The money for this is awesome and it is a 5-10 minute drive from my house- If I had a bike I could go by bike except it is up a big hill. I would walk it but since my in-laws will watch the boys it is best if I go and get back as soon as possible. Other goals {like exercise or lose weight} are definitely not happening at all yet {except for 2 random stints. Oh new year…I swear there are people all over the world who exercise more in the month of January than they do the rest of the year!}

I should be in bed. Also there is about 43 things I could of done tonight instead of watching the last couple episodes of good wife and checking facebook. Probably also shouldn`t of eaten another bowl of fried rice at 10pm…

Oh well, tomorrow is another day and soon it will be a new week! I can be motivated and good then right?

It is midnight now…Shun still not home…guess I will see him in the morning because I don`t think I can wait up much longer! Good thing I didn`t wait for him to eat dinner {haha, I never wait. I usually eat at like 5:30 with the kids!}…

Happy weekend all

Yochien is 5 days a week- usually with 5 or 5.5 hours a day with a shorter day one day a week- Wednesdays in most schools I think. The reason we have considered keeping Noah at home another year is 1. Language development in English and 2. It might be easier to start the boys at the same time seeing as they are only one school year apart and I think Shion would be so bored if Noah went to school the year ahead of him. I worry that it might be hard for Noah to adjust though if all of the other kids have already been there for a year and also because at least at the moment his English understanding skills definitely outweighs his Japanese understanding.  Anyway we have until October of this year to decide.

Yochien forms are released October 15th and applications are accepted 1st of November. Some really really popular places have parents lining up at 3am to get forms and hand them back in. Insane! It is just the general enrollment forms that are released those days {for the nensho, nenchu, nencho programs}

Anyway, today I walked about 2km to a yochien that I had heard good things about thinking I might get some information about their “play” program. Lots of yochiens now have play programs for kids the year before they would enter yochien {so they have to be 2 by April and then start in April or May}. Anyway this yochien is relatively new but from the local mothers I had heard it was supposed to be good although I do not know anyone that actually sends their kids there. It was up a giant hill and I pushed the double pram up the hill so it was my exercise for the day. In hindsight I probably should of just rung them {or bothered to read their website instead of just looking at the pictures!} but hey, at least I did manage to get some exercise.

Noah & Shion are already down to go to play at one yochien from this year starting in April- it is about 500m away.  I have been there a couple of times and – the style is more “us” and I like that it has a montessori feel to it in many aspects. They also do not focus so much on academics but instead on play/leaning to do things by themselves {ie, life skills} and lots of outdoor and music time. Art & craft time also seems to be self directed in that they will make something but there is no “You must make this craft to look like this”.

The really close one to me is also pretty relaxed but to be honest I just don`t seem to like it as much and it might be a bit TOO close. It is less than 50m from our new house….They can also go to this local yochien for “play” as well as it is not so popular and they have several “play” classes. The yochien that is closest to my house is where my husband and his brother went.

Anyway I have heard lots of things from local mothers and mums that go to my rhythmic class. It seems that the one I visited today is quite popular and two others were mentioned as well- neither of which appealed to me because of their academic focus {and also cost. One of them is insane. It is contacted to the private school and university. Beautiful grounds and not so far away but I had heard that if you don`t go to “play” then you DEFINITELY can`t get in and the play application forms were due last year anyway}. The rhthmic mothers asked me recently which places I had the boys down for “play” and I said I hadn`t decided yet whether we would do any play or which yochien I might send them too. I think they were a bit shocked!

Turns out the place I went to today is also not accepting more “play” applications. They closed them last year in November as well. Who knew it could be so competitive? Or that you had to book six months in advance.

I have applications for one other place relatively close to me. I am not sure if we really want to do “play” at another place or not though. It is all so confusing! Even though “play” only happens once or twice a month I have rhythmic class with Noah and work at least one weekday a week as well as English playgroup once a month. I think it will be too much for me and for the boys!

Apparently if you want to send the kids to private elementary school then yochien can be a big deal and make or break for some places. We will be sending the kids to the local public elementary school so we have no problems there- they have to accept them . It does seem that in this area though that 50% of the mums I meet plan to send their kids to ritzy private elementary schools. I was asked recently if I was worried they wouldn`t be able to get into private junior high and high school if I didn`t send them to private elementary as well….must be getting more competitive. Shun & his brother went to private school from junior high even though they went to the local elementary school and they both got into private universities too. We would like to send the boys to private school from junior high but we are not 100% sure of that yet or anything {and have absolutely NO IDEA where!}

Anyone in Japan want to share their yochien experience? What about others in other countries- is it similar where you are?

The challenge for week 2 of the 52 weeks to Simplify your Life Challenge was to define your core values. I have never sat down to try and do this before and I have spent all week thinking about it and jotting down ideas and looking through lists of values to see what jumped out at me and what I stood for. Deb, provided us with some questions to ponder {as well as a printable of some values} and talked about what defining out core values would likely give us including where our focus should be {and what we should perhaps let go}, giving our lives intention but also guide us in the way we want to parent {for those with kids}.

My original list included {in no particular order} family, love, self development, happiness, freedom, control, nuturing, learning, moterhood, open-mindedness, authenticity, connection, loyalty, gratitude, integrity, enthusiasm, laughter, peaceful, humour, simplicity, peace, contentment, positivity, patience, imagination, understanding, creativity, health, respect, compassion, trust, sincerity, acceptance, & tolerance…..my journal is a bit messy so there could of even been a couple more in there…

We have to cut it down to five. Some of the words on the list above could be tied together I felt and I thought more about how one value could actually mean more than one thing and incorporate others and I went from there.

I narrowed it down to family, love, growth, happiness, balance, freedom, authenticity, gratitude, integrity, health & fun.

For me I found that some of the values I wanted but didn`t actually “have” or at least I wasn`t following them in a way that was acceptable for me…this was eye opening for me because of course I want to be the best person I can be but I guess it also showed me that I have to try harder. It was pointed out that values are not what you think you SHOULD hold. I did think about this a lot this week but I still came back to similar values that I felt were my core values. As I said it took me several days before I was certain that the five I had narrowed it down to were in fact my five core values.

{image source}

In the end my core values list looked like this.

Love

Love for my family, friends, life and everything in between even the more simple things like hot coffee, getting creative, internet/connections, fresh air, books, good food. Also love for myself.

My family is my everything but I felt that love shows that my family is a giant part of my core values- I had family as #2 in my list for several days {with growth first} before I realized love fitted me better and incorporated so much more of what I was about and what I wanted to be. For all decisions I make and all things I do I will always value my family and make sure they are okay and if they arn`t okay do everything in my power to make them okay again. I want what is best for them {and this comes back to growth again for them and for me} and in order to achieve that I need to keep them in the foremost part of my mind. I love them unconditionally.

Loving myself is also something I need to work on a lot. I think in order to show my kids that they need to love themselves as well that they need to see me loving myself and not just see me loving them and their dad. This exercise got me thinking a lot about this and how I view myself and how my children will view me as they grow. I need to focus on what I love {and value}.

As they say, love makes the world go around {or at least makes the ride worthwhile!}

Growth

For me, growth means self development not just for myself but for my family. It also means to strive to be better and to move forward and not stay stagnant. To never stop learning, trying new things and working on myself. I think while growth came before family on my list that it shows my desire to be better FOR my family and to continue growing always.

There are a lot of things I want to work on new and old- and I never want to stop being the best person I can be- which is why growth is one of my core values.

Authenticity

I tossed up between integrity `{something I truly hope I have} and this because when I thought about what I values I wanted to make sure my boys have and kept coming back to integrity. The more I thought about it though the more I realized that authenticity worked better. I need to be true to myself always, no fakeness. I really value honesty and I strive to be an honest person and I think this comes into play with being authentic as well.

I like to think that I am genuinely a nice person- kind, caring and I want to continue to be this person but I also need to remember to not lose myself in trying to be too nice….My mum always used to say “If you can`t say anything nice then don`t say anything at all” and I have to remember this.

Happiness

I have spent most of my adult life trying to be happy and trying to find my happy. There have been times when I have been so unhappy that it has been hard to think about anything BUT trying to find my happy. This also came back to my family and kids and wanting to create a happy environment for them to grow up in. Their happiness is something I am striving for always as well because it is one of my top priorities {see love/family as my first value!} but I also want to show them that they can create their own happiness and be the makers of their own destiny.

I have learnt over the years that ultimately you have to make your own happiness- of course the world around you and the people in it help but it doesn`t just happen- you need to be watching for the good things or you will miss them. So for me happiness is also about positivity, gratitude and being thankful for what you have because I think when you focus on the good then it is easier to find happiness.

Laughing everyday is a must.

Balance

Balance is important to me because in order to follow my values and be true to myself I need balance in my life. Balancing family vs me time, growth for myself vs growth for my family, work vs home etc. Also balance for my health  because I have definitely let my health slip in the last couple of years. Some of my other goals for this year were to get better with money and I need to find a happy balance for our spending because at the moment we don`t have it balanced very well.

I also put this as I value balance in our household and in my marriage and this has been something we have struggled with in recent years {since getting married I guess!}.

I also am quite an organized person but having two kids in two years {well actually 2 kids in 12.5 months} I feel like things have gotten a bit out of control in some areas of our lives {ie as mentioned above with health, money, marriage but also with the amount of time I spend online when the kids are sleeping} and I need to regain balance. I know that our core values shouldn`t be goals exactly but I think balance was once very high in my list of core values but has gone to the wayside a bit in recent years.

Now that I have these defined I already feel like I am heading in the right direction

Are you participating in the SYL12 challenge as well? What are your core values & did your list  come to you easily or not?

In the last month he seems to have hit a bit of a language explosion. He is definitely still behind his peers with his language {of course he is not going to catch up overnight} but since turning 2 I would say he has over 50 words right now. Most of which he will use by himself unprompted- he also attempts to say a lot of words if we ask him. For example today I said “Time for a bath. Can you say bath?” at first he said “No” and shook his head and then I said “No, you should try. Say bath” and he stopped, thought about it and then said it perfectly with the th at the end and everything.

I think the highlight of having him start talking more has been him starting to say almost all of the words he used to sign {he still signs as he says most of them though} like car, cat, drink, eat, more, banana, bye bye, book, bird, duck etc. He still can not say train or airplane which is a shame as he makes me say those words for him 50 million times a day…Well he say “chhhh” for trains and “aaaa” for airplane and has fluked saying airplane properly a couple of times but as I said, pretty sure they were flukes or me mishearing. He attempts a lot of animal sounds and has mastered woof woof, quack quack and moo moo {although he had moo down for awhile}

He has his first Japanese word {that wasn`t un, baba or jiji}- Ooishii. He only says it if we say it though.

He strings words together. Today when I finished my lunch he said “mama eat fished” …he signed “finnished” and that is the word he meant.

Another highlight is having him say I love you. Every night when I put him to bed I say “Night night Noah. I love you. I will see you in the morning”…..I have done it since he was a teeny tiny baby. He now responds with “Night night. Love you”…..of course it has that 2 year old feel to it and is pronounced nigh nigh wuv you but still it melts my heart.

He really struggles with S words. He can make an ssssssss sound like a snake but will not attempt to say words with S in them. L`s too.

His favourite word right now is “No”. Typical 2 year old! He says no even to things we know he would want/like. We have to remind him that he probably means yes and then he says “essss” and shakes his whole body up and down instead of just his head.

I am not sure if it is anything we have done specifically that has prompted his language to take off but we have been giving him larger bits of food to eat, making him do funny faces/sounds and move his mouth and tongue around and we ask him to try to say a lot of words. I have upped our reading as well and we now read 20 plus books a day- some of them are the same books over and over again. I love reading with my kids especially now as Shion is getting super interested in books as well and is no longer trying to eat them {well not as often!}. Both boys will pull books from the shelves and flick through them by themselves as well.

Shun does a lot of work getting him to sound and say individual sounds {like the Japanese alphabet sounds- a i u e o, ka ki ku ke ko etc} and Noah loves copying his daddy.

When he says a new word, and practices it over and over again, Noah is so proud of himself. He is very deliberate in what he does try to say though and will not attempt things that he doesn`t think he can say {like elephant etc, if i ask him if he can say it or try to say it he just says no}

Noah has a long way to go before he catches up with children his own age- he is still six or so months behind but I am just so relieved that he has started talking more and is now adding new words each and every day as well as the words he has are becoming clearer. It is hard to believe that a month ago he had so few words and now seems to have so many.

Shion was a great sleeper…til he hit about six months old. He even slept through the night from 4-6 months until it got hot over summer. He also would sleep through anything until about that point as well. I retrained him to put himself down to sleep at about 9-10 months and luckily most naps and night times, at first, all I have to do is put him in his bed and say “sleep time” , pat him for 10-20 seconds then leave the room. This only works at the start of nap or night time though—if he wakes up after he goes to sleep then he does not self-settle no matter how much I try to teach him.

Today though he screamed for 90 minutes. Absolutely nothing wrong with him- he wasn`t gassy, he was sleepy, no temp just would not lay down long enough to fall asleep. He is finally asleep now on the beanbag downstairs but Noah will be up within the next 20-30 mintutes{ He managed to fall asleep through the screaming and actually stay asleep}. He does this sometimes- if I climb into bed with him he might fall asleep after he spends 30 minutes or more biting/scratching/clawing at my face and hair and I would then have to stay with him there because he could fall out of the bed when he wakes up.

Night times- he still wakes up 4-5 times a night. Sometimes more. Always at least 3 times. He is on formula now and doesn`t take a bottle overnight so he is not waking up because he is hungry. Sometimes he is gassy. Other times no reason. It is too cold to stand up and rock him to sleep  or try to pat him back to sleep and in recent months if he is crying it does tend to stir Noah. As we have no heaters upstairs it is too cold to stand there so now he sleeps with us in our bed once he wakes up again about 3-4am. He climbs over us both, pulls our hair, giggles and then may fall asleep for an hour or so before waking up for the day around 6am. Co-sleeping is not for me- I have mentioned this before. I don`t feel comfortable having Shion {or Noah for that matter} sleep between us—I am constantly worried he will fall out of the bed or one of us will squash him so I rarely manage to fall asleep again after 3-4am once Shion joins us in bed…and if I do it is not a good sleep and I wake up really sore because of the odd angles I have had to sleep at in order to make sure he is safe.

He is still in our bedroom in his cot but I would even prefer he slept in his own room now like Noah although we do not have the space for that currently.

He only has one nap a day now {and maybe a 20 minute power nap if we go somewhere in the car in the morning or if he is in the pram and it is moving a lot}- I put him & Noah down at the same time usually about 12. Sometimes 11:30 if Shion is already overtired {He really needs 2 naps a day but I got sick of battling with him and it is not like I can spend 30 minutes upstairs trying to get him to go down for a 30 minute nap and leave Noah downstairs} because luckily Noah will just go to sleep whenever if I tell him it is nap time/bed time.

I think I just have to give up on the idea of having any time to myself during the day and just hope they go down at night without too much hassle {and preferably no wake ups from Shion}. At the moment I just have the time they are both asleep to do my own thing When my kids are awake I rarely use the computer {sometimes check facebook from my phone}, I don`t ever do my “own” thing, and very little cleaning or cooking gets done unless I have the TV on.  I am lucky if I finish my coffee in the morning… The kids can play by themselves but one of them always hurts the other or they squabble over the same toy and they completely trash the living room with toys and stuff everywhere and that stresses me out even more- so even though I could probably sit and read a book for 15 minutes while they play it would then take me 15 minutes or more to clean up the giant mess they make.
I just feel so much better if I have 45 minutes or more to myself in the middle of the day. I go online, have a coffee, often do some cleaning or food prep for dinner. Sometimes the boys might sleep for 90 minutes or even 2 hours although recently that hasn`t happened much at all. I knew there would be a time when the boys would stop napping….of course {I was hoping they would be in kindy by then }…it is just that most mums  I know seem to be able to do their own thing, at least a little bit, when their kid{s} are awake….I can`t even make a phone call or skype call without it resulting in a ton of mess to clean up and/or someone trying to climb all over me and/or screaming because their brother pushed/bit/kicked or stole something from them.

I am exhausted. I would go to bed earlier but then I would have even less time to myself and I wouldn`t see Shun at all during the week. Feeling a bit like it is a lose/lose situation…

Okay rant over. For now. Both kids slept through the entire time it took me to type this {about 15 minutes}- I wonder if I should attempt some lesson planning….

I have high hopes for 2012 because 2011 was a rough year in which I really felt like I was struggling to keep my head above water and get through each day and be a good mum to my kids. We had premature births, earthquakes, lots of moving, another bout of depression {or PND}, and daily struggles with two kids under two. The first six months were hard in particular but in the second half of the year, after we moved and after I acknowledged the fact that I was depressed again and needed some more support things started to pick up. The second half of the year was much calmer.

I have lots of ideas, lots of plans, lots of enthusiasm…but I am still lacking the motivation to start on a lot of things and I am hoping that by doing this year long challenge that is where I will get to. I will be motivated. This is why blogging is such an awesome platform for connecting with other- I know that I will gain so much inspiration from others and in turn hope that somehow something I may write might help inspire someone else- just as reading through Deb`s blog has already inspired me!

I will be posting once a week from now until the end of the year for this. I have no set day but the plan is to get it up by Monday of each week.

The challenge for week 1 is to make to make a list of all the things that went right in 2011. As we start a new year I realize most people are looking to move on, start afresh, go forward and make resolutions {I know I did!}  but I love the idea of looking back on 2011 and focusing on the positives.

My number one positive for 2011 was definitely the birth of Shion! While his entrance was dramatic he is a charming little fella who has completed our family. Perhaps his birth was not as positive as the day we bought him home {Feb 2011} and then watching him continue to grow, beat odds, reach milestones that we thought would be months off. We always wanted more than one child and while he was conceived a bit earlier than planned having my boys so close in age has turned out to be a blessing in disguise as they are so close in age {12.5 months apart}, and are already developing a strong bond. My kids bring me a lot of joy! Watching their relationship grow was also a fantastic positive that I didn`t really think much about before Shion was born- I knew having him would change things for me but I didn`t think so much about how it would change things for Noah.

We also finalized plans for our home. Set to move in April the plans are all done and building is underway. Finally seeing our dream of designing and owning our own home is becoming a reality. I am so happy that 2011 was the year that all started.

Lots of things made me happy last year- time with my family {one of the best days we had all together was a trip to the local zoo and also a family trip to Shizuoka to visit friends}, catching up with friends {I have a lot of great foreign wife friends here in Japan- one of the best catch-ups I had was late in the year when I went to the movies for the first time in 2.5 years. I said to my friend though at the time that everytime the movie got loud I wanted to say “shhh” fearing it would wake one of my kids who were not even with me!}- some a bit further away than others, time away from my kids {to recharge my batteries!} and the wonders of the internet {for allowing things like video chatting with my mum so that while she can`t see my boys in person she can still see them growing up and watching them play via the computer}

Another big positive of 2011 was moving closer to my husbands family. Having the extra help with my kids if I need it- and just knowing that people are close by is a big thing for me. After the earthquake in March I hated seeing my husband go to work because I was so worried that we would have another large quake and he wouldn`t be able to get home or that something would happen. Moving to Ichikawa in May makes me feel more at ease because I know that if there is another quake my in-laws are 100m away.

I have written a lot in the last couple months about how worried we were about Noah and possibility of ASD and speech delay. ASD seems less likley than we first thought and while he has an obvious speech delay in the last week of 2011 his speech really took off. This is a kid that a month ago still only had 10 words he used often {mainly for people} and now he has close to 50. It is a bit like he just decided he was going to start talking. I have been working with him more on over pronouncing things, giving him large pieces of food to chew and practicing lots of silly noises and Shun has too and already it seems to be helping a lot. I am not sure if it is just these things that are helping or if he really did just decide to start talking…

Reading with my kids is another big positive and something I am grateful for- I LOVE having my kids bring me books and snuggling up and reading before nap and bedtime especially. Doing Tot School with Noah last year was also a lot of fun {although frustrating at times too!}.

I was grateful for a good healthcare system {and top-notch care for Shion while he was in the NICU}, parks close by to spend time outside, spending Christmas as a family of four, my part-time work, a fab community of friends and family {so so so many people helped me out in 2011. One thing that especially touched me was all the support and well wishes we got when Shion was born as well as a lovely bunch of women who got together and made a beautiful quilt for Shion. Now, nearly a year later, i still smile EVERY time I see this quilt and know the love that went into it. Shion also received 2 other very beautiful handmade quilts.} and I am grateful for my healthy, happy family. Shun & I may not have been married so long but we have been together 7 years now and we still laugh with each other, joke with each and our relationship is good. Great even, most of the time. He grew into his role as a daddy even more- another joy to watch.

I have a lot of positive things from 2011 and a lot of things to be grateful for. It was nice thinking back about all the fantastic things that happened. What were some of the positives from 2011 for you?

Almost a year has passed since I went into premature labour and he arrived so suddenly and so early. I have been thinking about the night I had him a lot this last month with Christmas and New Year passing by. At that time last year I was in Australia celebrating with my family and had no idea that a week or two later I would have had my baby. I still remember the doctor yelling at the midwife after I arrived at the clinic that he couldn`t find a heartbeat and to call for an ambulance. I still remember Shion being born and not hearing a cry. I remember calling my mum after they took him away in an ambulance {and Shun went with them} and telling her I had had the baby {She was asleep, it was almost midnight in Australia when I called} and her having lots of questions that I couldn`t answer. I remember “meeting” Shion for the first time on the night of January 7th almost 24 hours after he was born when he was still nameless and on breathing machines and I remember touching him for the first time through his box. I remember holding him for the first time on January 10th – that day he weighed just under 1500grams. So many memories that bring tears to my eyes.

I look at him now though and can not even tell that he had such a hard start to life. We were really really lucky. The complications that he could of had seemed to pass us by, the small hole in his heart that he was born with closed up by itself, he started gaining weight and hasn`t stopped and he now weighs just a little bit below the average one year old and he does almost everything the average one year old does.

February 19th will mark one year since he joined us at home and met Noah for the first time.

A couple of weeks back I had coffee with a two friends, one who had a 3 week old. I was busy with my boys and didn`t get a chance to hold her but I kept thinking “She is so small. I don`t remember my boys being that small”. Then I remembered- both my boys were once that small. The first time I held Shion he was less than half the size of my friends little girl. Time passes so quickly!!!

As usual my monthly letter below to Shion. This is the last monthly letter to him now that he will be one.

Dear Shion,

I could write a long long long letter to you on the eve of you turning one but really all I need to say is you rock little man. You have come so far in such a short amount of time and you make us all giggle on a daily basis.

You are “toddling” now and eating us out of house and home already so I can just imagine how much food I will need to buy to keep you full once you hit your teenager years. You get into all kinds of mischief by yourself and with your brother. You also love to chat- we have lots of mamamamama, dadadadadadad, bababababab going on all the time. You also can not wait for food. Ever. You screech like a bird until you get what you want.

I think you look more like daddy

But I guess we will have to wait and see how that pans out!

Happy 1st birthday,
Mama